


Retrograde

by Shaish



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Gen, Getting Together, Levi's amazing horse, Levi/Eren Yeager-centric, Long-Haired Eren Yeager, Longing, M/M, Pining, Scarred Levi, Somehow this kind of grew a plot, minor gore, minor spoilers for the manga, moments in time, some fluff somewhere
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-18
Updated: 2020-01-01
Packaged: 2020-09-07 04:07:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 35,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20303191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shaish/pseuds/Shaish
Summary: Moments in time





	1. Blade

**Author's Note:**

> I'm new here I don't know what I'm doing screams

Eren keeps his eyes forward as he walks, listening to the quiet scuff of his boots on the stones. The street’s deserted tonight, everyone either in a meeting with Yelena or the group from Hizuru, or celebrating somewhere, thinking they’re all one step closer to a solution.

“_If we talked...maybe we can understand each other.”_

Eren’s eyes narrow a fraction at the memory, fingers curling a little at his sides.

“_Clear up...misunderstandings_.”

Eren lets out a slow breath, trying to force the tension out as he glances up at the star speckled sky. Armin had said that earlier at the shooting field. Armin’s been saying that a lot lately, ever since Bertholdt. ‘Talking’, as if it’s gotten them anywhere, as if it will.

Eren pauses a few minutes later when he catches movement out of the corner of his eye, keeping to the overshadow of the building next to him as he watches...Armin, head off towards-

Eren’s fingers curl again.

Towards where they keep Annie. He might not be going there, he could be going somewhere else in that direction, but it’s a badly kept secret. Armin visits Annie more often than not, he just hasn’t outright said it.

Eren watches for him a minute, then forces himself to keep walking, angling off in the opposite direction and this time keeping his steps silent.

But maybe he isn’t one to talk.

\--

Eren purposefully lets his boots scuff quietly as he approaches. Captain Levi doesn’t look up as Eren stops a couple feet away and slowly takes a seat down on the edge of the castle wall with him, looking out at the surrounding forest. There’s crickets cricketing out into the night, an abundance of them far away and down below. He catches movement in his periphery, but this time instead of Armin going off to see Annie and making something dark and angry twist in Eren’s chest, it’s just Captain Levi taking a sip of his tea, fingers curled over the top and a gentle billow of steam rising up to buffet against his palm. Eren glances over, then away, deciding he prefers this sight to Armin.

He and Captain Levi started doing this a short while back, before Yelena and her volunteers first came to the island. Eren had wandered out here, let his feet carry him while his thoughts had spooled and unraveled and then spooled again, going over and over everything: how to save Paradis, what to do with his Titan, who to give it to when the time came. He’d found himself here, back at the old Survey Corps Headquarters where memories of Petra scolding Oluo linger in the courtyard with the empty stables, memories of Eld and Gunther drink on the stone steps. He’d found Captain Levi by accident, after wandering the halls and reminiscing with a heavy ache in his chest and blood and screams and failure in his head. The Captain was just sitting out here, a dark lantern at his side and cup of tea in his hand. Eren had turned to leave, didn’t want to disturb him, but the Captain had said:

“_Hey, brat_.”

Maybe there should have been more to the sentence, but it hadn’t felt that way. There wasn’t any bite to it, not exactly an offer, but not the Captain telling him to fuck off either, just an option to come or go. So after a moment, Eren had stepped closer and sat with the exact same amount of space that was between them now. Captain Levi never offered him tea, and Eren never asked, they never even really talked, just stared out at the forest, the stars, the dark clouds streaming across the moonlit sky, and shared the quiet. It should have made his thoughts swirl worse and on some nights, it did, but most of the time, it subdued them. They were still there, lurking beneath the surface, trying to churn the water, but they didn’t come up to bite. Most of the time. 

Tonight, they do. They dig their teeth in Eren’s ankles, his palms, make his jaw tight as he remembers Armin and Annie, Marley, the Walls. There’s so much more in his head these days, and not just because of the Titan memories. Part of him wishes he could get away, but the rest of him knows that’s pointless and futile. If he doesn’t face it head on, all of it, he’ll be useless, and that won’t help humanity. He has to help humanity.

So the quiet isn’t as calm tonight. There’s no storm raging outside, but it feels like there is, a tension growing in Eren’s shoulders, a tightness in his chest, fingers curling tightly on thighs. He doesn’t feel the Titan lines spread on his face, but some part of him skeptically wonders if they might be there anyway. He feels just about ready to fight something, anything, even if it’s himself, to burst out of his skin and into the skin of his Titan, let loose an impotent, rage filled roar at the world, at all the people in it causing them all these problems, these losses and pain and anguish.

A gentle curl of steam wafts up in front of his face and Eren jolts back a few inches, blinking wide at the teacup. He can smell the dark, deep aroma of the tea up this close and his gaze darts over to find Captain Levi looking at him, expression as bland and unimpressed as ever, though his eyes are different, darker, knowing. Eren swallows a little and shifts his gaze back to the cup, then uncurls his fingers to slowly reach up and take it, gentle, careful, as much as he can be right now. The Captain’s fingers let go and Eren’s gaze briefly follows the pale digits as they pull away before he looks back down into the dark liquid, closing his eyes as he takes a sip. 

The heat slides down his throat and into his stomach, pools there yet spreads out somehow at the same time. He doesn’t usually drink tea, doesn’t usually drink coffee either, even now that they have it, and while it doesn’t taste much different from the last time he’d had tea, something about it settles him. Maybe it’s the familiarity of having shared it here in this castle with Captain Levi, Petra, Oluo, Eld, and Gunther. Maybe it’s the memories that jar loose the tension in his shoulders and the heat that shocks his system out of its spiral. Eren takes another sip before letting out a slow breath and handing it back. Captain Levi takes it. Eren watches him take a sip from it and something about that makes the heat in his stomach tighten, or maybe that’s something else. Eren looks back out at the forest. A minute passes, two, three, and then the words finally bubble out of him: 

“Armin’s still seeing Annie.”

Eren’s not sure why he says it. It’s not to tell on Armin, not that he is anyway, Captain Levi, Hange, Mikasa, and some of the others already know. It’s hard not to after two years. But it bothers him, and the words slipped out, and now Eren immediately regrets breaking the quiet. The quiet was theirs, shared between him and Captain Levi, and now Eren has ruined it with his own selfishness.

The Captain makes a quiet sound of acknowledgment. “Has been for a while,” Captain Levi returns, low and quiet. His voice matches the scenery and the tea, dark and rich and calm, unlike Eren’s own raging and boisterousness. It makes him feel a little self conscious, like a child throwing a tantrum or his Titan wrecking the forest, destroying the trees for no good damn reason. Sometimes, he wishes he could keep his mouth shut, but that always comes to him after the fact.

Eren ruminates in the still and quiet, Captain Levi taking another sip out of the corner of his eye. Eren doesn’t fidget, but his fingers curl a little in his lap. “Talking won’t help,” Eren says quietly, partly to himself. The words bubble out of him again, offensive, and his fingers curl tighter. If talking helped, they wouldn’t be in this situation to begin with. Maybe it could help somewhere down the line, maybe Armin and his talks will be what changes the world around them, but it feels too young, hopeful, and naive for the impending war looming over their heads. Marley is out to kill. Talking won’t change that. 

“No,” Captain Levi agrees quietly once he seems to piece together where Eren’s train of thought has gone, and Eren suppresses a flinch, got so lost in his head he forgot he’d said anything in the first place. Eren looks over. Captain Levi keeps his gaze out on the forest, then down on the tea in his cup. His gaze shifts to Eren and Eren sits up a little straighter automatically, like he always does, holding himself still. “We need to rely on you,” Captain Levi says, calm, steady, a little...There’s something in his gaze that Eren can’t quite interpret. It’s not sadness, not regret, but maybe a miserable sort of understanding. Eren’s lips press together a little. Captain Levi does understand. He was in a similar same position before Eren came along, still is, even though Eren’s been thrown in the limelight. ‘Humanity’s Strongest’; it’s a heavy title to carry.

Eren’s shoulders sink a little as the tension eases again, but then it’s building in his chest, a kind of anxious determination, not because he wants to, but because he knows he has to._ I know_, he doesn’t say, but something in the Captain’s gaze shifts again, and Eren knows he hears it anyway somehow, has increasingly been able to read him with an efficiency that almost scares him sometimes since they got ordered together. A small knot knots itself in his stomach, anxious but warm, and Eren swallows a little, not breaking the Captain’s gaze. The knot has been there before, many times, and he thinks it will be again. Captain Levi doesn’t look away either, even though the steam from his cup is gradually fading as his tea goes cold.

Eren is not special. He’s not one of a kind. He knows that with the kind of brutal clarity that comes from having reality grip his cheeks and stare him in the face. But he feels hints of it, just sometimes, in moments like this, when the Captain looks at him and understands: Eren’s temper, his determination, his rage against injustice. Captain Levi, maybe more than anyone, Eren feels like understands. Like they’re on the same wavelength, like Eren has tuned into something he doesn’t feel like he belongs in, like he doesn’t deserve it. But he finds it all the same. It’s almost too much.

Eren drags his eyes away when it gets to be and the tension breaks, a little breath huffing silently out of him as his heart races in his chest, didn’t even realize his pulse was racing. He doesn’t want to look away, he wants to look back into steady grey and blue, but he can’t do that either. He doesn’t know what to feel, being pulled in two different directions.

Captain Levi moves in his periphery again, taking a sip of his tea, and Eren’s fingers curl tight in his lap before he makes them slowly unwind, shoulders dropping a little with it as his breathing calms back down. 

_Intensity_, Eren thinks, dragging his gaze up from his lap to look out at the forest, acutely aware of the Captain sitting next to him, that’s what was in Levi’s grey eyes. There’s a pull in him, to move closer, to get nearer to that intensity. To do what, Eren doesn’t know, isn’t sure he wants to, but he also wants to be closer. It’s hard to stay rooted where he is, but he doesn’t want to move closer at the same time. He’s afraid he’ll...break it, whatever it is there between them in the quiet. He’d hate it, if he did that. He has a lot of connections with various people, but with Captain Levi it’s always been different. Not even Mikasa and Armin have the same feeling of connection, something darker and deeper, but maybe that’s for the best, given everything.

After a little while, the Captain shifts in his periphery and stands, and Eren takes a breath before pushing himself up too while Captain Levi bends down to grab the lantern. He straightens and looks at Eren for a minute, and all Eren can do is stare back, that _pull_ there in him again. 

After another moment, Captain Levi drags his eyes away and walks around him, heading for the hall, and Eren turns and follows, keeping his steps quiet. Captain Levi doesn’t light the lantern as they walk, neither of them really need it. Besides, something about the Captain has always been bright, like the glint off a blade in the dark. Eren’s eyes have never had any problem finding him, that’s one thing that hasn’t changed.

_I want to follow you_, Eren realizes as he watches Captain Levi’s back in the dark, quiet and almost wistful, the remnants of his childhood idealization and something else, something newer and deeper he doesn’t want to look at. But Eren knows he can’t do that either. Neither of them were made to be followed, just pointed and shot at their targets. They’re alike in that way too, Eren thinks quietly, two predators pretending to be men, following the orders of desperate people just struggling to survive.


	2. Offense

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have three chapters written and started a fourth. I don't know how long this is going to be

Eren collapses to his knees with a gasp, remnants of his Titan steaming behind him while the others talk and chatter, Hange babbling to Armin while Mikasa hovers nearby, not as heavily as she used to back before- before, but he can still see her out of the corner of his eye, itching to come closer. She doesn’t, and Eren drags the back of his hand under his nose where warmth is streaming down his lips, grimacing a little at the blood. His expression evens out as he stands, waving off Mikasa when she finally takes a step towards him. He doesn’t have the focus right now to look over as he walks away.

“See you tomorrow, Eren!” Hange’s voice calls from behind him, hasn’t seemed to see the blood yet. Eren waves his clean hand over his shoulder they may or may not notice and heads over towards the nearest batch of trees lining the surrounding forest, walking further and deeper until he’s a few minutes in before finally letting himself stop and press his back to a tree, engulfed by the width of the rough bark as he sucks in air, pulse still racing in his chest and ears. He swallows, trying to slow it down, lifting his forearms to his forehead as he tilts his head back and opens up his lungs. His legs tremble and he leans back a little harder against the tree, letting it take his weight.

He managed to hide it at least, if not the bloody nose he can still feel sluggishly dripping down his chin.

Eren wipes at it again, lowering his arms after a few minutes when he feels his heart rate finally starting to slow back down. He catches the sound of steps approaching and his gaze darts up, stilling and then slumping back a bit against the tree again when he sees who it is. “Captain,” he greets.

Captain Levi stares back, as unimpressed as ever, gaze dull and disapproving. “Why are you hiding,” he demands more than asks. Eren shrugs a little, looking away, and catches a muttered, “_Tch. Idiot_.” He can’t really argue with that. Eren pauses when a handkerchief moves into his field of vision and hesitantly accepts it, pressing it to his nose and feeling a sliver of guilt for getting it dirty. A memory flashes, of Captain Levi doing this before, up on the Wall while Hange shouted ecstatic over the new Titan killing Guillotine.

“Thanks,” Eren says quietly, keeping his gaze down. Captain Levi’s steps move a little closer and then stop. When Eren looks up, his gaze is focused on the direction Eren came from.

“Hange’s having you use the Warhammer Titan too often,” Captain Levi observes, gaze shifting back. Eren pauses and looks back down, shifting a little and feeling fifteen all over again, even though he’s almost twenty now, the weight heavier on his shoulders now than it had been back then, back before they knew everything.

“It’s fine,” Eren replies, taking a steadying breath and pulling the handkerchief away from his face as he stands from the tree, studying it. The bleeding has stopped and his legs are less shaky, but now he can feel the blood drying and starting to pull at his skin when he talks. At least he’d tied his hair back before starting the experiment, only a few stray strands of his bangs hanging in his face. 

There’s the sound of cloth shifting and Eren looks up just in time to catch a canteen tossed his way, hesitating briefly before twisting the cap off and pouring some water on a clean part of the handkerchief, wiping at his face until the red stops smearing. “Thank you,” Eren repeats quieter, offering the canteen back. The Captain takes it and Eren pockets the handkerchief. He’ll get a replacement for it when he’s back in the city proper and leave it on Captain Levi’s desk like he had the last time. He wonders if this might even be the same one he’d bought all those years ago, but it was nondescript, so there’s really no way to tell. He’d only looked for ‘white’ and ‘clean’.

Captain Levi makes a faint, quiet sound, a vague one to anyone who hasn’t worked as closely with him as Eren has for the past five years. His eyes shift up and Captain Levi’s watching him again, one hand on his hip like he’d like to give Eren a lecture, but doesn’t, just watches him with steady, disapproving eyes. Another thing someone else might not be able to pick up, at least not as quickly.

Eren shifts his gaze away for a moment before forcing it back, squaring his shoulders as his brows lower a bit. “I don’t have much time left,” he says, calm and steady, “We have to do this.”

Something in Captain Levi’s gaze flickers, there and gone, and then he shifts his gaze away. He stands there for a minute, looking out at the forest, and Eren takes the time to study him, really study him. He’s shorter now, or actually, Eren’s just taller. He’s in the black gear the Survey Corps switched to using, doesn’t need to be, since it’s for more intense combat, but Captain Levi has been nothing but always prepared. Eren can see the scars on his face too, as much as the gold light from the setting sun makes them harder to make out, the way one eye is lighter than the other, blinded by Zeke’s doing. It still makes anger coil in Eren’s chest, his fingers curl tight. He lets out a slow breath. There’s nothing he can do about it. It intimidates the newer recruits at least, as hollow as that faint glint of amusement is.

“I’m heading back,” Eren says after another minute, finally stepping away from the tree, legs steady. He angles himself off towards the city so the Captain doesn’t get the wrong idea, though he thinks the Captain knows already, that he had been watching the experiment. Eren doesn’t see him there half the time, especially since the experiments are old news, save for some of the newer abilities. But sometimes, he spots the Captain at the edge of the forest or the entrance of the Wall, enough that Eren suspects he comes out here to watch and assess more often than not, maybe even guard the area, Eren almost wants to think.

“Want a ride?” Captain Levi offers before Eren can get too far, making him pause and turn back. Captain Levi brings his fingers to his lips while he holds Eren’s gaze, whistling sharp and loud. The sound of hooves beating the ground registers barely a few seconds later, and the Captain’s familiar black horse trots out through the trees. Eren feels more surprised than he thinks he should be, but he doesn’t say anything, waiting for Captain Levi to get on before hesitantly stepping close and following suit, acutely aware of how close they are when he pulls himself up, the warmth emanating from Captain Levi, hand gripping the knob of the saddle directly in front of the Captain’s lap. That old tension fills Eren again, the faint, simmering warmth in his gut as he settles behind him, gripping the back of the saddle in the scant space between them beneath the Captain’s cloak. 

‘Captain’. He’ll always be that for Eren, and the rest of them, but in the privacy of his own head when it’s quiet like this, Eren thinks-...

Levi spares him a glance before urging his horse forward, and Eren feels a small rush in his chest for letting himself think the name, like he always does when he lets himself, deciding to focus on the swell of fondness he feels for the horse beneath them after a moment instead as they trot along, gaze softening as he looks around Levi at it. “She looks good,” Eren comments, fingers brushing her soft hair near the edge of the saddle where it rests on her back.

Levi makes a quiet, acknowledging sound. “She’ll be retired by next year,” he returns, and Eren’s slightly widened eyes shift to him, what he can see of Levi’s profile.

He knows how long it’s been, logically, but he hasn’t really...had the time to focus on how it _feels_. It’s been that long? It’s a miracle she’s made it this long, considering how many battles with Levi she’s seen. 

Eren’s gaze softens again and he gently pats her near the saddle, careful not to spook her. If she can retire, he’ll be happy. She deserves it, just like-

Eren shifts his gaze up, watching Levi again, eyes catching on the edges of a few of the smaller scars on the left side of his face, up high on his cheek bone, close to having taken his other eye too. The anger curls tight in Eren’s chest again and he lets out a slow breath, grip tightening a little on the edge of the saddle before he makes it relax.

_What will you do?_ Eren wants to ask, but he already knows. Levi won’t stop until it’s all over, not unless the enemy makes him, just like him. It makes Eren’s heartbeat pick up a little in his chest, a small, anxious knot in his gut. His grip tightens on the saddle again for a different reason, and he makes himself breathe through it, catching Levi’s scent with it: tea leaves, leather, and polished metal. Eren watches what he can see of Levi’s face for another moment before letting his eyes drift shut, the image of the setting sun making Levi’s skin bright and his shadows deeper imprinted on the backs of his eyes. Eren wants to be closer to him, feels the same pull in him that he’s felt for years now, and he tries to breathe through it. It gets harder and harder every year, but it’s familiar now, too, almost comforting in its familiarity.

Eren lets his breath out slow, opening his eyes and stilling when he finds Levi’s grey eye on him, head turned just enough to look back at him as they trot sedately through the trees. Something in his gaze makes Eren’s heartbeat pick up again, still sharp and observant, but something about it almost...gentle now, too. No, that’s not right, not gentle, but- something, something Eren doesn’t have a name for. Levi blinks slowly, still watching him, then shifts his gaze back forward and Eren’s shoulders slump a little as the tension cuts, a little breath huffing out of him like it nearly always does. 

He’s not blind, he’s not dumb, and he’s not ignorant. He knows he feels something for Levi, something intimate and personal and unfathomable, something dangerous and risky that doesn’t belong in this war. As much as part of him wants to reach out, _try_, has wanted to for so long now, the rest of him knows he shouldn’t, can’t. Maybe Levi wouldn’t push him away if he tried, but that’s not the problem. The war still looms over their heads, the Titans and Marley are still coming, and everyone in Paradis is still in danger. Eren can’t indulge in selfishness when there’s so much still left to be done, so much he needs to do before his time runs out. He can’t-

The backs of his eyes sting, quick and sudden, and Eren’s eyes widen a little before he forces them closed, trying to keep his breathing even. After a minute, it starts to get shaky and he curls his fingers tighter on the saddle, fighting against it. 

_I don’t have much time left_.

He doesn’t realize he’s bowing forward until his forehead touches on Levi’s cloaked shoulder, his own shoulders hunching in a bit at his weakness made known. The horse’s movements come to a slow stop and Eren can make out the sound of all three of them breathing, the leaves rustling gently overhead as a light breeze drifts through, ruffling the hair at the back of his neck sticking out of his makeshift bun. Eren squeezes his eyes shut, grips the saddle so tight he hears the leather creak faintly, shoulders trembling. Part of it is rage, at himself, for giving in to his weakness and letting himself feel like this, letting the war get to him, letting _all _of itget to him. But Levi doesn’t say anything, doesn’t push him away or snap at him, doesn’t rush him to feel anything but the way he does, and if Eren was going to have a breakdown, Levi is one of the few people he’d trust himself with.

_I need to finish this_, Eren thinks viciously, teeth gritting and jaw tight, _I need to end the war. I need to save them. I need to save everyone. I **need** to end it_. It’s so much, all at once. He’s broken down before, and he’s sure he will again in the privacy of his own quarters in the future at some point, if he lives that long, but he’s not alone right now, and something about that makes his chest ache so sharply he has to suck in a gasp, not-quite a sob.

A hand settles over his, two fingers missing, and Eren’s eyes snap open as he jerks up a little, staring down at Captain Levi’s calloused hand on his. Levi doesn’t hide the damage Zeke did to him, he never has, but Eren feels ashamed when he sees his tears hit the back of Levi’s hand, vision blurred until more drop and Eren sees the offensive things slide wet down between the remaining knubs of Levi’s fingers. Levi still doesn’t say anything, even as Eren gasps out one more not-sob, shaking through his rage and anguish and exhaustion, the mile wide ache cleaved deep into his chest, threatening to split him apart. Eren slowly lets his head lower back down to Levi’s shoulder, just this once, breathes in his scent of tea leaves, leather, and polished metal and feels Levi’s grip tighten on his hand, and restrains another sob. 

Levi doesn’t need to say anything, he never needs to. The touch is more than enough.


	3. Paths

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was going to wait to post this one but I have a guest coming over for this week so I'm not sure if I'll get the next chapter finished just yet

_I did it_, Eren thinks, staring up at the gold and pink bathed sky. The Paths still stretch out behind his eyes, Founder Ymir’s presence in the back of his mind, neither of them alone, not ever again. There’s a great, awful rumbling everywhere around him, shaking the earth beneath him and kicking up dirt, his bones and renewed sinew vibrating with it. It’s strange, this body is new, he’s distantly aware of the fact, but he still feels numb. The Rumbling is happening, and there’s smoke drifting up from all the chaos, wafting in and out of his vision like forgotten tea steam, but the sky is still the same. There’s screams and shouting too, anguished and horrified and terrified, angry and in denial, but it all washes over him as he stares up, gaze lost in the way the sun streaks across the sky like dying light, paints the cloud sharp colors they nearly bleed into each other, gold to pink to orange to peach, so...normal and unchanged despite the hell rampaging across the world beneath it. It looks like any other sunset. There’s probably people running, but he can’t hear them.

Eren lays there, thinks he might hear Zeke’s dying gasps nearby at some point before they cut out. The stars start peeking out between the darkening clouds, only made starker and more prominent as the light fades and blue and pink turn to the ocean and pitch. The thought is there, distant and faded: _Get up. Keep fighting_, but he doesn’t. He lays there, barely blinking as he stares.

_I did it_, he thinks again, finally letting his eyes close with the thought, _It’s finished_. Ymir is still in the back of his mind, but she feels like she’s drifting too, taking in the world around Eren with a quiet sort of calm-like wonder Eren’s only recently come into possession of himself. A terrified sliver of him wonders if she’s suppressing it, if she’s affecting the way he feels: the way his rage is sputtered out, his determination to keep moving forward dying down. He could die here, and it would be enough. Marley is on the run, the world has been shaken, and Paradis has its fifty years. They did what they set out to do, even though it cost so much. They did it. It’s done. 

The last of the tension bleeds from him and he breathes. It’s not different from the last time he could, doesn’t feel any newer or significant. It just is. Something about that both makes him feel better and worse.

“_Eren!_” he thinks he hears, sharp and urgent, but then there’s a blast nearby that drowns out his hearing, and he drifts into Ymir as she drifts into him amid all the rubble and explosion, gently cradling his cheeks as they pass one another like his mother used to as the world fades out and the Paths open up wide like coming home.

\--

_Tea steam drifts up lazily in front of his face, stars in the night sky._

_His mother shouts his name with a smile in her voice._

_Grey eyes slant over, blue in them._

_Mikasa’s red scarf ripples in the wind._

_Armin’s blue eyes, as blue as the ocean. It was fitting that they turned out to be the same color._

_A horse trotting beneath him through gold streaked trees, leaves glowing in the light and the smell of grass and the world all around._

_A rage filled, anguished roar drowning out every thought in his head and quaking the ground beneath him._

_A little blonde girl reading a book._

_An old man reading at his desk._

_Leather straps biting into his skin._

_Titans standing tall, then taking the Wall with them._

_“Eren!”_

Eren’s eyes snap open.

He stares up at a ceiling, wooden beams angling up into a point in the middle, becoming steepled fingers as they meet the ones making up the other side. He hears talking somewhere, muffled and calm, not yelling, not shouting. A conversation somewhere in- this house?

Eren’s face scrunches up briefly and he slowly pushes himself up to sit, hair hanging in his vision. He lets out a slow breath, lifting a hand to his head and closing closing his eyes. His brows twitch together as he tries to remember the last thing. What was it-

_Rumbling beneath him, shaking his bones_.

_I did it_.

He blinks his eyes open, staring down at the white sheet rumpled in his tight grip in his lap.

_I did it_, he thinks, slowly lifting his head and taking in the room, _It's over_. The room is unfamiliar, but there’s a desk over by some windows, a dresser back against the wall opposite the bed he’s in, a small table between them against the wall running across his back. The conversation downstairs has stopped and Eren’s head jerks up when the room door opens, Captain Levi’s eyes widening a fraction as he stops in the doorway opposite him.

“Captain-...” Eren trails off, isn’t sure what he wants to ask first.

Captain Levi stares at him for a moment before his expression eases back down into its usual steady-calm, but his eyes are still just a hair wide. “You’re awake,” he finally says, then, “It’s about time.”

Eren blinks, takes a steadying breath. “How long have I been asleep?” he finally dares to ask, feels the Founder Ymir in the back of his head, but she’s faint, like she’s asleep, like she can finally sleep.

The Captain disappears for a minute and then comes back, tossing something onto the bed, small and reflective. Eren reaches for it and looks into the small mirror. His facial hair has grown, about a week’s worth, but then his gaze catches on his eyes and he freezes, sees the shards of light in the green and the memory of Frieda flashes through his head, there and gone. Eren almost drops the mirror, but slowly lowers it instead, shifting his gaze back up.

“You been in bed long enough?” the Captain asks, turning to leave. Eren takes another steadying breath and turns on the bed, pushing himself to his feet only a little unsteadily.

He follows Captain Levi downstairs, finds the main room empty even though he knows he heard more than Captain Levi’s voice down here earlier, now that Eren knows he wasn’t dreaming. The house is medium sized, smaller than the one they’d hid out in when they were being hunted by the Interior Police in their search for Rod Reiss, but bigger than something a single person would own. Eren looks around the place, Captain Levi in his periphery until he’s just sounds in the kitchen, Eren eventually following them back as he asks, “Where are we?”

Captain Levi finishes setting some tea to steep, looking back over his shoulder with his good eye. He looks a little ridiculous, wearing his black combat gear in a kitchen, making tea. At least he’s not wearing his cloak or 3DM gear. “House out past Trost in the middle of nowhere. Only five people know you’re here,” he answers.

Eren pauses, taking that in as he looks around again, leaning a little on his hand on the doorway. _Captain Levi, Historia, Zackley, Mikasa, and Armin_, most likely. But not Hange? Unless it’s one of the others who doesn’t know. Maybe Mikasa, just so she doesn’t come straight out here. Eren frowns a little, shifting his attention back. “The military?”

“On clean up,” Captain Levi answers, turning fully and leaning back against the counter, crossing his arms over his chest, expression turning grim, “There was a lot of damage and death.”

Eren swallows a little, fingers curling at his side and against the doorway. He needs to know what happened, and he will, but for now…

“Do you have anything I can shave with?” Eren asks.

Captain Levi focuses back on him, brows quirking faintly before pushing himself up off the counter.

-

Eren looks in the small mirror in one hand while he carefully glides the blade over his skin with the other, hair tied back, tilting his head a little to catch a better angle. It helps, having something normal to focus on.

His gaze catches on his eyes again and he tries not to let it linger, forcing it back to his task. 

Almost normal.

He finishes not too long later, rinsing and drying the blade off before heading back downstairs. He finds Captain Levi sitting outside in the shade of the house, a cup of tea held in his fingers while his horse grazes nearby. Eren offers the blade back and the Captain takes it, slipping it back into his thigh holster. Eren moves over and takes a seat on the small tree stump next to him. 

They sit there for a minute in the quiet, birds chirping merrily away over in the trees. Eren drags his gaze from them out to the field past the shed to his left, the road that winds into the forest up ahead, weeds, bushes, and long tufts of grass dotting the edges along the way. They’re not entirely secluded out here, but they are solitary. He can’t hear any human activity and the quiet is almost eerie, like maybe everyone out here did die somehow and it’s just that no one was looking. It’s surreal, that the Rumbling, something of that magnitude happened but this place is untouched. There’s no smoking craters or littered body parts, not even a sign of a drop of blood.

They both let the restless quiet stew for a minute before Eren finally takes a breath. “What happened?” he asks, “After.” _After the Rumbling_, he doesn’t say.

Captain Levi takes one more sip before lowering his cup. It feels so much like when they used to share the quiet at the old HQ Eren gets lost in it for a moment, almost forgets he asked the question until Captain Levi speaks, “Marley turned tail and ran, some of the rest of the world with it, from what the Expedition Team has reported. The Colossal Titans went until they couldn’t, the ocean too deep, but it was enough to scare the world shitless.” Captain Levi glances over, brows drawn together faintly in an expression Eren can’t read. “It’s done. You got us our fifty years.” 

Without even using all the Wall Titans. Eren only used the ones surrounding Shinganshina.

Eren takes a slow breath, letting it out just the same as his fingers slowly curl and uncurl, letting the information sink in. “How many were lost?” he asks, quiet.

Captain Levi sighs quietly, almost inaudible before answering just as quiet, “Many. Pyxis and Nile among them.”

Eren closes his eyes, his own brows drawing together.

“A boy, Falco, has decided to stay. The brat that shot Sasha, too. They’re under Mikasa’s supervision,” Captain Levi continues, voice still quiet and calm, even, almost flat, “Reiner, as well.” Eren’s eyes open wide at that, startled gaze darting over. Captain Levi looks back. “He’s underground with Leonhart. She’s still in the damn crystal.” Something in the Captain’s gaze shifts, a question, and Eren’s shoulders slump a little, looking down at his hands hanging loose between his thighs. He grips them together.

“I can force her out,” Eren answers quietly, certain. He doesn’t need the Jaw Titan for that anymore. He can force Annie out and eat her, or maybe...maybe he doesn’t have to eat her. Maybe he can spare all of them that. None of them know what she really wants, and can’t know unless Eren makes her come out.

Captain Levi makes a quiet, acknowledging sound, taking another sip of his tea. “Reiner says she wants to go home to her father. He might not be dead.” 

But neither of them know for sure.

Eren frowns a little, but soaks the information in with all the rest, giving a small nod. Considering how old Reiner, Berthold, and Annie probably were when they first came to the island, it's not really a surprise. Eren looks back up at the fields and surrounding forest, a gentle breeze brushing light across the back of his neck. It makes him shudder faintly. After a minute, he asks, “Do I need to make a report?” It almost feels too surreal to ask after everything, but the world keeps turning.

“I will,” Captain Levi answers, gaze out on the strangely docile view that doesn’t fit either of them, “After you tell me everything.”

Eren takes a deep breath, gives his hands a small squeeze, and then starts making himself talk. He tells Captain Levi about Zeke’s plan, and then his own, how he used Zeke and then how Zeke had tried to use him. He tells the Captain about the Founder Ymir, how he’ll never be one person again, if he ever was. He tells Levi about Zeke’s year added to his own, about the Paths he saw. Levi’s expression goes minutely tight and tense here and there, but he listens to everything Eren has to say and doesn’t interrupt.

-

Eren finally finishes just as the stars start coming out high in the night sky, the Captain’s tea long gone and empty cup held in his lap. Captain Levi nods once Eren’s finished, they both break to use the bathroom, and then- Eren had expected him to go report it, but Captain Levi just heads into the kitchen to put on more tea after lighting a couple lanterns, pulling some bread out while it steeps. It’s oddly domestic, Eren thinks, watching him move around the kitchen, especially since he’s still in his combat gear.

“Were you expecting trouble?” Eren asks, nodding his chin to the gear when the Captain looks over at him, partly just for something to say, anything to avoid the tension starting its slow creep up his spine.

“Paradis has mixed feelings about the Colossal Titans in the walls being set free,” Levi answers, holding his gaze.

Right. Eren hadn’t really thought about that. There wasn’t time. But now...now he supposes there is, and it’s something he’ll have to keep in mind when they go back. If he’s allowed to go back. He moves further into the kitchen, getting out some cheese and finding some dried meat while Captain Levi starts cutting. They work in quiet for a minute, something in Eren’s chest settling even while his shoulders wind a little tight. “Did you get stuck with babysitting duty?” he asks, risking a glance over.

Captain Levi keeps his gaze down on the bread, cutting off one more slice before finally looking back. “I volunteered,” he answers, moving to put the bread away, back to him, “I’m the only one suited for killing you, remember.”

“...Oh,” Eren returns after a moment, eyes following him. From anyone else it would sound like the threat it was back when they’d first met and Eren was shackled in a dungeon below a courthouse, but now…He huffs out a breath, lips twitching faintly. “You’re right,” he says quietly.

Captain Levi glances over at him again, something in his gaze Eren can't read as he holds Eren’s. The tension starts creeping up Eren’s spine again, in his gut, and then Levi looks down at a cabinet past him. “Get a pan.”

-

They eat quietly at the kitchen table in the warm glow of the lanterns. There’s another room across the hall that looks more comfortable, but neither of them are used to anything like that. After, Eren helps wash and dry the dishes, putting them away before- standing there next to the table, unsure of what to do with himself. He’s not tired, so sleep is out of the question, and knowing Captain Levi, he won’t be sleeping anytime soon either. Eren looks over at him, finds Levi already looking back and feels caught, looks away again. He feels young and stupid, and Eren’s not sure what to do with it. He’s never been sure what to do with it. “Tea?” he asks, just for something to break the tension in himself. 

Captain Levi looks at him a moment more before answering, “Sure,” and Eren gets to work busying himself, staying at the counter, not facing the Captain while he watches the leaves steep in hot water. It’s quiet for a minute, then- “Reiner said your head was blown off,” Captain Levi slices through it.

Eren jolts faintly, head snapping over and eyes a little wide. He blinks as the Captain stares back, assessing, Eren realizes, then finally drags his gaze away, looking back down at the tea. “Ymir sculpted me another body before I came back,” Eren answers, “I remember the gunshot, the girl, and then I was in front of the Paths.”

Captain Levi’s quiet and Eren looks back over, sees something dark and intense in his gaze that makes Eren swallow a little. “What happened with her? The girl,” Eren asks, trying to shift some of the tension in the room, “You said she’s under Mikasa’s supervision?”

Captain Levi crosses his arms over his chest, leaning his hip against the counter. “She’s not imprisoned, but she is being watched,” he answers, that dark, dangerous thing still in his eyes. Eren’s heartbeat picks up.

He won’t hurt the girl, Eren knows that, but he looks like he wants to hurt _something_. “I’m fine,” Eren says almost numbly.

Captain Levi’s gaze sharpens. “Are you?” he counters. Eren pauses. Captain Levi watches him a minute more before pushing up off the counter and stepping up close for better scrutiny, close enough that he has to tilt his head back to look up at him and can see all the shards in Eren’s eyes.

Eren stares back, caught in Levi’s steel gaze, heart starting to pound in his chest. He swallows again and makes himself turn away back to the tea, pulling the infuser out and tapping it gentler than he feels against the rim of the pot before setting it aside on a plate. He almost keeps up the pretense, goes to pour the tea out into two cups, but stops mid-pour of the first one, setting the teapot back down a little hard and shakily on the counter and turning back around to face Captain Levi. 

_The war’s over_, Eren thinks as firmly as he can, trying to make himself really believe it. After a minute, he slowly reaches up, hesitantly, gently taking Captain Levi’s face in his hands, cool to the touch compared to his own overheated skin. Levi’s eyes widen a fraction, arms starting to uncross, to push him away or hit him, Eren doesn’t know, because that’s all he sees before he bends down as he squeezes his eyes shut, pressing his lips light to Levi’s, barely there at all compared to the thundering of his heart in his chest and claminess starting in his palms, the stutter of his own breath against Levi’s lips. 

_The war’s over_, Eren thinks, years of pent up desperation piling high and spilling into his chest. He pulls back before the kiss can taste that way, opens his eyes even though he’s afraid to, but then Levi is yanking him close with a hand fisted in the front of his shirt and kissing him with that intensity Eren wants to run towards and away from so much, enough that it knocks the breath out of him and Eren can taste it on Levi’s mouth. It makes something in him crack, break, like the crystal that’d been holding the Warhammer Titan, ugly and slanted and all over him, and his desperation spreads to his hands, his mouth, slotting it against Levi’s and opening it for his tongue on a desperate sound that vibrates up the back of his throat.

The kiss is hot and messy, slick and not at all gentle, but it makes an almost nauseous thrill dart straight down Eren’s spine like his transformations, except this time he’s not turning into a Titan, just a desperate boy who’s felt too much for someone for too long without doing any goddamned thing about it. Levi backs him up with the hand fisted in his shirt until Eren’s lower back roughly hits the counter, teapot wobbling behind him with the force and tea sloshing onto the counter, but Levi doesn’t pull back, just slides his tongue along Eren’s in firm and confident strokes, roams everywhere he can while Eren gets pulled under the onslaught, only coming up to gasp for air, “_Captain_.”

“_Levi_,” Levi corrects back, sharp and hard and with a dark, commanding edge to his voice.

Eren shudders faintly and finally gets his eyes open to see it and it makes his knees weak, makes him feel hot-cold all over and his vision fuzzy around the edges in a warm, good way. He slides a hand down, hesitantly...rests it on Levi’s hip, little finger brushing one of the gear straps. His fingers curl tight there. “_Levi_,” Eren breathes, quiet and full of wonder and longing. Something in Levi’s gaze shifts, and then Eren feels it when their mouths meet again, slower this time, more focused, intense, gentle almost, but never quite.

“Eren,” Levi says on the next break, quieter, and Eren didn't know someone saying his name could make it feel like his heart was going to pound out of his chest.

“Is it okay now?” Eren asks, desperate, almost a whisper, sounds younger than he is to his own ears, fifteen and infatuated with someone he’s worshipped since he was a kid. It was different after he got to know Levi, the real Levi, after following him into battle because he was ordered to and then because he chose to. After he came to respect and admire him as a person and not a childhood ideal. 

Levi stares up at him, searching his starburst eyes, and his own dark eyes gentle a little, letting go of Eren’s shirt to reach up and grip the back of his head, fingers curling in his hair and ruining the bun. Levi tugs him back down and it’s answer enough, lets himself be pulled, slotting their mouths back together and getting lost in tea leaves, leather, and polished metal, can almost taste it on his tongue, in blades glinting in the dark. They don’t cut him, not like Levi said they would years ago. They never have, when Eren thinks about it, not even when Levi did have to cut him out of his Titan. Levi has never once struck his human body with his blades, and Eren curls closer towards him with a small, raw, animal sound, wrapping his arms around Levi as Levi’s grip tightens on him to the point of almost painful, bangs sliding against both their cheeks.

Levi has always given him choice after choice where others have tried to take it away, and Eren’s not sure exactly when it happened, but at some point he chose Levi, and at some point, Levi seems to have chosen him, too.


	4. Years

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have been listening to this a lot while writing lately; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TbXLFwv3NRU titled "Attack On Titan: Levi's Pain - Piano Cover ( Omake-Pfadlib )" It's a very lovely piano cover

Eren wakes some time the next morning, cracks his eyes open to find the sky past the windows just starting to turn light, slowly shifting from grayscale to color. He slides a hand across the bed, pausing when it meets cooling sheets. Levi’s gone. He’d never lain down to begin with, but Eren can feel where his thighs had been pressed, one leg crossed over the other while he’d read a book he’d dug out of somewhere with his back against the headboard.

Eren slowly sits up, rubbing at his eyes with a hand before looking around the room. Everything’s the same as it was yesterday when he first woke up, save for the rumpled sheets. He pulls them back and turns on the bed to stand, tugging the edge of his shirt down where it rode up in his sleep. 

He gets to work making the bed to perfection before finally letting himself wander out to the bathroom and then downstairs. The rest of the house is quiet too, no sign of Levi in the gathering room or the kitchen-

...‘Levi’.

Eren’s lips curl up at the thought before he focuses again, looking around.

The teapot is still where they’d left it on the counter to dry last night, two lanterns burnt out, wick black, but everything else is the same. Eren heads over to the nearest window and checks outside, but Levi’s horse isn’t grazing there, isn’t behind the house when he checks there either. For a minute, irrationally, he thinks Levi has left him here, that Eren chased him off with his greedy lips and built up desperation, even though he vividly remembers Levi responding, the feel of his knuckles brushing against his chest when Levi had fisted his hand in his shirt, sharp and prodding. Then he remembers the report and lets his eyes close as he takes a steadying breath, opening them to look around again. He’s not sure how far Levi has to travel. It sounded far, from what Levi vaguely told him, but he also can’t see Levi leaving him here unguarded for long after having only just woken up yesterday, especially so soon after the war with the world still in chaos, despite how deceptively calm this area is. He’ll probably be back sooner or later, so for now…

Eren searches around the house until he finds some cleaning rags, pulls his hair back into a ponytail before wrapping a cloth around his face and grabbing another to start scrubbing down the kitchen. It’s already spotless, and easy to picture Levi cleaning everything while he’d waited a week for Eren to wake up, but regardless, Eren starts cleaning anyway, falling into the familiar motions and letting his thoughts cut loose under their ministrations.

\--

Eren’s outside when he hears horse hooves approaching, wipes a forearm across his sweaty forehead and lowers the axe he’d found in the shed as he turns to look, shoulders tensing in case it’s not who he thinks it is, raising a hand to his mouth. Levi’s black steed comes galloping out from between the trees like a shadow, Levi just as dark on her back and probably sweating from all the black gear he’s wearing in the sweltering sun. The innocuous thought makes Eren pause, swallowing past the rest of the thoughts that try to follow now that he’s focused on it. He lowers his hand.

Levi slows his horse once he’s close enough, coming to a trotting stop, grey eyes looking down at him. Eren feels himself flushing under the studying gaze, but he doesn’t retrieve his shirt from where he’d tossed it, acutely aware of his nipples hardening under the attention and the sweat sliding down the dips and grooves of his tanned spine and stomach, the cut of his hips. “Report?” Eren makes himself ask, voice a little dry. He tries to clear it quietly.

“Jean is taking it the rest of the way,” Levi answers, climbing down off his horse. He leads her over to the shade of the house and Eren’s gaze follows him for a beat too long before he makes himself turn back to the last few logs he has to chop. “I see you’re making yourself useful,” Levi comments dryly.

Eren stiffens and turns to glare over his shoulder while Levi stares back, a hint of amusement in his eyes as he heads inside, probably to fetch a bucket of water for his horse. Eren’s aware it’s sliding right into summer and they don’t need firewood, but- “I had to do _something_,” he grumbles just loud enough to be heard. He’s not sure whose house this is, if it’s anyone’s, but it’ll be plenty prepared for winter by the time he’s done for whoever decides to stay here next.

Levi comes back out with a bucket, like Eren thought, setting it down near his horse and patting her glistening neck as she dips her head to start drinking. Levi starts working on getting her saddle off, gaze shifting back over. “A book too difficult for that thick head of yours?” he returns.

Eren huffs a breath, sending some of his loose bangs up with it. “Too restless,” he replies.

Levi lifts a brow, as if that alone could indicate the axe still hanging in Eren’s hand and the wood ready to be split. “Clearly.”

Eren doesn’t roll his eyes, but he does turn back around to finish chopping up the last of the wood while he listens to the sound of leather straps and buckles being undone behind him, Levi moving to set the whole saddle just inside the house. Eren didn’t think things would change that much after finally getting to kiss Captain Levi, but-

...No, Eren thinks, lips curling up a bit with his back turned, the sharp chop of the axe cutting through the block filling the air, he’s glad they haven’t.

He finishes up and stacks the logs against the side of the house, returning the axe to the shed before closing the door and picking up his shirt on his way inside, shoulders slumping in a bit of relief as the heat slides off his skin. He doesn’t find Levi in the kitchen, or the sitting room, and glances up to the second story in thought, feet carrying him upstairs.

Levi isn’t in the bedroom when Eren checks, nor what is apparently a second bedroom when he opens up the next door further down the hall, the room set up in a mirror of his own save for the window placement. Eren finds him behind the third door at the far end on the left, the door halfway open and enough that Eren can see Levi shedding the last of his gear, folding his pants up to place on the sink. Eren watches, frozen as Levi lowers himself into the steaming tub and tilts his head back, eyes closing. He lets out something like a sigh and the action finally makes Eren take a breath he didn’t realize he was holding until he’d pulled it in. Levi’s eyes crack open and slant his way, looking at him. They don’t say anything, Eren’s breathing shallow and quick and heart pounding. He finally makes himself move, jerking himself sideways and heading back down the hall, each step heavy even though his head feels light and fuzzy. 

It’s not like he hasn’t seen Levi naked before. He saw most of his squad naked, except Hange, Sasha, and Mikasa. They shared showers, sometimes just him and Levi late in the evening. It was awkward at first, sharing something that made Eren feel so vulnerable with someone he admired, but he got used to it. It’s just-

Now, it’s like he’s off balance all over again, but this time it’s not because of admiration. It feels like he has to readjust to being in Levi’s personal space, even though Levi has never seemed to really care one way or the other. Eren cares, and that’s enough to sabotage himself.

His feet find the room he’s been staying in without much thought and he takes a seat on the edge of the bed, ruining the perfect sheets, shirt still gripped tight in his hand and bangs still hanging in his face, breathing quick. He tries to slow it down once he realizes how fast his heart is still pounding and sucks in a sharp breath, squeezing his eyes shut. He forces them open when every memory he’s collected of Levi naked over the years rushes to the forefront, all of it taking on a new edge, the most recent the most potent. He feels his skin flush and a weighted heat grow between his legs. Eren swallows, forces himself to breathe, and tries to pretend he’s not listening as hard as he is for any sign of Levi in the tub down the hall, miles of scarred, pale skin glistening from moisture under the warm light before disappearing into the tub clear behind his eyes.

—

Eventually, Eren hears Levi finish, the sound of water draining and movement. After a few minutes, he hears Levi’s steps head down the hall and downstairs, Eren’s shoulders tensing as they pass quietly outside his door. Eren takes the opportunity to take his own shower, cleaning himself off quickly and efficiently and trying to keep his mind from wandering to Levi having just been in here, to the scent of soap and that combination of smells that is uniquely him, made heady by the moisture in the air. It almost feels like they cling to his skin and it makes Eren want to shudder, scrubbing harder at his hair to get done faster.

Once he’s out and dressed, Eren heads for the stairs, taking them down one at a time and keeping an eye and ear out for Levi. It probably shouldn’t surprise him, but Levi is back in the kitchen and back in his gear, making a pot of tea. He pours out a second glass without turning around and Eren takes a seat at the table, watching Levi’s pale fingers contrast against the dark cup as he turns to set one down in front of him, taking a seat next to him at the head of the table. Eren focuses on gently blowing on his tea before taking a cautious, impatient sip, setting it down to the brief burn of his tongue and finally looking over. “How did it go?” he asks, and his voice is steady, a tiny bit of steam escaping out between his lips.

Levi gazes down into his tea, answering, “Mikasa is demanding to know where you are. Armin is studying the Titans with Hange. Connie is on the expedition team, they’ll be reporting in a week. Queen Historia and the Survey Corps have generally increased in popularity with the public, but there are still people who want to see your head fly again.” His eyes slant over at this and Eren meets them, listening intently for every drop of information. “After Jean delivers my report, they’ll send word on what they want done with you.”

Eren looks down into his own tea at that, lips twisting just a little. “No one knew what I was going to do. I know how it looked. I wouldn’t change anything I did.” He’d made himself the monster at the end of the story, tore through people’s flesh and hearts with equal, brutal ferocity, though apparently it wasn’t the end like he thought it would be. He still has some time left.

Levi is quiet and Eren risks a glance over to find Levi studying him, steam gently wafting up in front of his good eye, making it look like his damaged one. “No, I suppose you wouldn’t,” Levi returns. Something in the way he says it, the look in his eye makes Eren’s gut twist in something that wants to be guilt, but he won’t let it. He won’t regret what he chose to do, even if it cost all of them something. Him, too.

Eren lets his thoughts come back around to Armin and Hange, focusing on that instead. He doesn’t have to ask to know what they’re looking for, and while he’s long accepted the fact that he won’t live past twenty-three, maybe twenty-four now, things changing with Levi makes the expiration date sting more sharply. Eren looks over again but Levi’s gaze is down on his tea this time, looking as steady and calm as ever. Eren wants to ask if it bothers him, but he also knows it’s not something he really wants to ask, or maybe shouldn’t. He wants to ask if _Eren_ bothers him, everything he did, even though it was for all of them, but he doesn’t ask that either. Instead, he asks, “So, tomorrow?” Taking another sip of tea. It’s easier now, doesn’t feel like it gets lodged in his throat with his words as much.

Levi lifts his head a little in answer, taking a sip of his own. They don’t say anything more and Eren lets his thoughts stew, slowly sipping at his tea while he keeps his eyes down on the table.

Getting involved with Levi doesn’t change or fix anything, it doesn’t stop what’s going on in Paradis or what’s going to happen to Eren, he knew that, he knows that. If anything, maybe ‘getting involved’ is wishful thinking. Maybe they aren’t really involved at all. All they did was kiss once and share a quiet night in each other’s silence, like they’ve always done, if a little closer than the two feet Eren used to keep between them. Maybe things aren’t really that different and he’s just deluding himself like a teenager, hoping they are.

—

Eren sighs as he takes a seat on the edge of the bed in the same rumpled spot he’d made on it earlier, rubbing at the back of his neck beneath his hair while he lets his eyes go unfocused on the wood boards of the floor. The lines and grooves in them go fuzzy and he slowly lets his eyes close, dropping his head forward with a huff. He’d let his thoughts wander and swirl through two whole cups of tea, acutely aware of Levi’s presence next to him, dark and pulling like a shadow clinging to sunlight, Eren trying harder and harder to resist letting it pull him in. He had glanced at Levi once on his way up the stairs after washing out his cup and the teapot. Levi had looked back, still finishing the dregs of his second cup, and let Eren go without a word. They hadn’t said anything after Levi’s initial update.

Now...now, Eren wonders if this is it. Levi doesn’t regret the kiss, Levi doesn’t _regret_, Eren knows that much, but maybe that kiss, those lingering glances, and the shared quiet of last night were all they were getting. Maybe that was the only thing they could let themselves have.

Eren pushes his bangs back with a hand and holds in a sigh. He’s not some kid anymore, hasn’t been for a long time. If that’s all there was between him and Levi, it’ll have to be enough. He’s not going to sit here and keep sighing over him like a lovesick teenager, no matter the growing ache in his chest at the thought that they’ll go back to Levi being silent and angry and Eren being determined and accused. He respects Levi too much to not respect his choice, even if the longing in Eren has been there for years and has only grown as each one has ticked by. It will still be there, he thinks, as the rest of his years run out like sand in an hourglass. He couldn’t remove it at this point even if he wanted to. And besides, he’s being ridiculous, isn't he? He has other things to worry about, no matter how his focus keeps trying to circle back around to Levi.

As if summoned, a knock at his door makes Eren sit up sharply, jerked out of his thoughts, and he stands as he turns to look. It doesn’t open and he swallows, makes himself say, “Come in.” His heartbeat is starting to pick up again as the door creaks open, light slanting into the dark. The lantern light bathes half of Levi in warm gold and the rest of him in deep shadow, his black gear sucking up the rest of the light while fragments reflect off the leather straps. Eren can see his bad eye, his good one shining grey in the pitch. Levi doesn’t step in and Eren doesn’t- know what to say, swallowing down the words that try to crop up. “Yes?” he finally drags out of himself, since Levi won’t make this easy for him. It comes out mostly steady, but still a little too much like he’s an uncertain teenager again. It makes him grit his teeth.

Levi holds his gaze a moment longer before his shoulders drop a little in what might be a sigh, though Eren can’t hear it. It eases some of the stiffness out of Levi’s posture, makes him a little more human and a little less intimidating. “Eren,” is all he says, just his name, but it shudders through Eren and gets his own mouth working.

“It’s fine, if that’s all there was,” Eren stumbles out, feels young and stupid and damn it, why does he always end up like this around Levi? The one person he doesn’t want to see him like this. He opens his mouth to say more, but stops, swallows the bumbling words down before he can say any more stupid shit. There isn’t really much else to say, is there? It’s all just more of the same, or wishes he’s not foolish enough to voice: _I wish there was more. I wish I had more time. I wish we had a chance. I wish I didn’t have to do what I did. I wish I could have been better. I wish I could have been someone you could be proud of. I wish I wish I wish_. Wishing doesn’t do shit, Eren learned that lesson at a very young age.

Levi holds his gaze, something about it..._lessening_, not as firm, not as impassive, but not gentle ether. He finally steps inside the room and part of Eren wants to retreat like a cornered animal, bear his fangs just to try to keep Levi away. But he holds his ground, Levi walking past him and Eren slowly turning in place to watch him set the lantern on the little table against the wall between the bed and dresser like he had last night, turning back to look at Eren after. “Is that what you want?” Levi asks, and Eren pauses, caught off guard even though he should have expected it. Levi always gives him a choice. But does Levi asking mean he wants it, too?

“Do you?” Eren returns, fingers curling at his sides while he tries to keep his breath from catching in his throat. The words slipped out before he could think about them and they make fear tingle up his spine like a prey animal, like he could delay Levi turning him away by not asking about it, but he needs to ask about it. When was the last time someone asked Levi what he wanted, without giving him an order? When was the last time Levi was...with anyone. Eren doesn’t know his life, doesn’t need to, but that’s important to him. Levi is the strongest of all of them, but the title that comes with that holds so much weight, the kind of weight that limits how many choices one can make in a lifetime for their own sake and not everyone else’s. Besides, Eren wants to know, if Levi could be with someone like him, if he’d _want_ to be with someone like him, _choose_ to, a murderer, a liar, a killer, a deceiver. Eren knows just enough about Levi’s past to wonder if he’s thought the same of himself, but he pushes those thoughts aside to focus, even though he’s also terrified of the answer. So much for not worrying about it.

The question seems to make Levi pause, and Eren waits while he thinks it over, watching, trying not to hold his breath, trying not to let the hope in his chest beat out of control with the fear. He knows what he wants, but it’s moot if Levi doesn’t want it too.

After a minute that crawls on, Levi’s steel gaze finally focuses back on him, not moving away, but not moving any closer as he says, “I want you.” The words sound heavy, so heavy, like it might cost him something to say them, to let himself say them, to make that decision. It’s not said with a light heart, and Levi’s expression shadowed and weighted. Eren’s heart thunders in his ears as they knock the breath from him regardless.

Eren swallows, searching Levi’s good eye, his damaged one, taking him in like a greedy thing. “I want you,” he breathes back, can’t get enough air in his lungs or his thoughts calm enough to speak steady, but he’s certain, he knows that. He wants Levi like the air he can’t seem to get enough of, the patience he’d learned too late, the-

The memory flashes, brief and sudden, of blue flowers swaying in the breeze in Shinganshina. He’d seen them out past the Walls the second time he’d passed the Wall’s towering gaze, swaying in the breeze out there like they had within, unchanged despite being on the other side where everything was beautiful and terrible. Something about it had felt like a grand revelation, so simple, yet enough to steal the air from his lungs. 

That’s how Eren wants Levi, like something new and unseen but common and known, like a new adventure of an old trail. Levi isn’t undiscovered, he’s been around longer than Eren. People know him, personally and impersonally, and Eren wants to cross that border no matter how unworthy of the trek he feels, like he’d left the Walls behind him in the dust. He wants to see who Levi is, down past all the barriers, and he wants...he wants Levi to see him too. And that, that terrifies and surprises him. Eren has never wanted anyone to know him, fully know him, as much as he wants Levi to, even though he is scarred and ugly, tearing and repairing himself over and over like teeth digging into his flesh and titans tearing at his meat. Eren is hideous beneath his new skin and body, he is sure of it, but he wants Levi to see him anyway and not- not run away. It’s hard to imagine Levi running away from anything, but this might test him. Eren is pretty sure his actions during the war have already tested him.

Levi stares at him for one more moment before moving over to pull the bed’s sheets back, tilting his head towards it. Eren jerks like his leash has been pulled and half-stumbles forward in his awkwardness, crawling in and curling up on the far side with his back to the wall, watching Levi take a seat like he had last night, back against the headboard and one leg stretched out along the mattress, the other crossing over it. He doesn’t have a book tonight, or maybe Eren is the book, he wonders, as Levi’s gaze shifts over to him and lingers, unreadable, in the lamplight. He doesn’t put the light out and Eren forces himself to stay splayed and open for Levi to read in the wash of gold instead of curling up around his ugly, horrible vulnerability.

Levi’s gaze shifts away from him at some point and Eren finally lets himself blink, blinking again in surprise this time when after a minute, he feels...fingers at the ends of his hair, the action making them tug faintly against his scalp. They slowly, very slowly move up to his head, a little stiff and awkward like they’re not used to touching anything with gentleness. It doesn’t really relax him exactly, but Eren eventually finds his eyelids sliding shut under the gentle, stiff, rhythmic motions of Levi trying to slide his fingers through Eren’s hair, like someone might try to pet something rabid, wary of it biting them but attempting to soothe it anyway. It’s only when he’s mostly asleep that Eren realizes Levi is sitting in a position to guard him from the rest of the room, the rest of the world, maybe. Had last night, too. It makes that ugly something in Eren crack again like it had when they kissed, and his heart breaks.

_How is he so kind?_ is his last thought before Eren finally falls asleep, a deep ache in his chest and throat tight, and lips tingling with the need to kiss Levi somewhere, anywhere, even the gentle fingertips that still slide through his hair, never once catching on a knot to cause him pain.


	5. Choice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Somehow this kind of grew a plot question mark

Eren blinks his eyes open, gaze blurry at the edges and he blinks again, trying to clear the sleep from his eyes. The dresser across the room slowly comes into focus, it’s wooden knobs glinting gold just on the edges from the light drifting in through the windows. His head is blissfully, confusingly blank for a minute before his brows twitch together and his thoughts slowly start to come back from the depths of sleep. He shifts his gaze to the windows, clocks the angle of the light outside and blinks again, this time more out of surprise than anything. It’s not dawn or pre-dawn, but probably closer to mid-morning. He slept in.

“_I want you_.”

The words come to him first, slowly tumble up from the deep and send a shot of adrenaline through him. His toes curl beneath the sheets as he pulls his knees in, heart pitter-pattering in his chest.

_A steel gaze, weighted and shadowed_.

The rest of the memory tempers the adrenaline and exhilaration and Eren focuses, the grin stretching his lips fading. Levi had looked at him like that want was a heavy burden. Eren rubs at his chest with a hand, trying to assuage the weight of his own want. He pushes the covers back and sits up, turning to set his feet on the cool floor, staring down at his tan toes. He wiggles them a little, eyelids drooping halfway in thought.

It’s not like the books he’s read over the years, where confessing how you felt somehow makes everything just feel _good_. The characters in the books had always seemed so elated, at least most of the time. In some, they weren’t. In those stories, feeling something, anything for another person was written as a tragedy, an ill omen, a doomed fate. Those are the stories he recalls now where he’d easily discarded them before, long forgotten like dust under an unused bed. Eren wonders now, past the elation, if that’s more what he and Levi are than the others. Having feelings for _Captain Levi_ had been terrifying, borderline horrifying for a while, had made Eren anxious and filled with longing all at the sametime. But he’d never asked, hadn’t even thought to wonder how Levi felt about it. He kissed Eren like he was trying to breathe for the first time in years, just like Eren had kissed him. Last night, Levi had said he wanted him, and he’d meant it, Eren could see that, but...is it something that fills Levi with excitement and elation, or does it feel like a noose around his neck, heavy and weighed down with every single reason he shouldn’t feel that way? It feels like both, now, for himself, the longer Eren thinks about it.

He presses a hand to his head, closing his eyes, takes a breath and pushes himself up, turning to make the bed.

It’s too early for that kind of deep contemplation. He should at least get some food in him first and find the source of his spiraling thoughts. Levi’s not here again, not that Eren should expect him to be, especially given how late in the morning it appears to be outside, but just like yesterday, Eren can’t hear anything in the house eith-

A sharp voice rises from downstairs, cutting off that thought, and he stills, the sound muffled through the floorboards but no less poignant for it. Eren’s gaze shifts to the wood beneath his feet, brows drawing together. He knows that voice. _Jean?_

Eren quickly finishes making the bed and quietly jogs to the door, slowing at the stairs to listen as he slowly takes them down one at a time.

“-’re we going to do? We can’t just sneak him past the Walls. Even if we did, we’re on an island. There’s nowhere to go.”

_It is Jean, _Eren confirms, can just see a pair of black boots peeking around the corner in the kitchen as he gets closer to the bottom of the stairs. It’s still silent when Eren reaches the last stair and he resigns himself to being seen as rounds the corner into the kitchen. He finds Jean first, like he’d suspected he would, Jean’s gaze shifting to him from where it’d been on Levi standing at the opposite end of the table near the head, paper in his hand and gaze focusing on Eren as well. Eren stands still under the combined weight, glancing from Levi to Jean in time to see Jean’s eyes relax from where they’d been widened, his eyes shifting between Eren’s.

Right. He’d been passed out, probably was when Jean saw him after the battle, or during.

Jean’s jaw tightens and he looks back to Levi with a nod of his head in Eren’s direction. “You didn’t tell me about that. It makes things worse.”

Eren frowns a little as his own gaze shifts to Levi. Levi didn’t report about his eyes? He usually reports everything.

Levi looks back down at the paper in his hand, probably orders, if Eren had to guess with the pieces he’s been collecting over the past five minutes. After another beat, Levi folds them up and sticks them in a pocket, gaze shifting from the floor in front of him over to Jean, then to Eren. “The Government wants you imprisoned. Our orders are to execute you if you resist.”

Eren’s blood freezes, but just for a second before his shoulders relax again. He’d already been expecting something like this. It only surprises him now because of the way he’d woken up: to a silent house and Levi as his only company out in the middle of a peaceful nowhere. It seems a little cruel, Eren thinks with a small, bitter twist to his lips, to let him wake up to something like that when they were just going to force him into shackles sooner than later. Speaking of.

Eren raises his hands out in front of him, wrists together. “I’m ready,” he says steadily. Jean’s eyes widen a little again while Levi’s lips press in a flat line, a muscle ticking in his jaw. Neither of them move and Eren waits, calm and patient. He’s been expecting punishment, was actually expecting execution without the chance of arrest as soon as he woke up, if he ever woke up. The fact that he’s getting it at all surprises him more than the death order. Then again, he has five Titans. Killing him isn’t ideal when it will just release them into the world anew, and this time, they most likely won’t go to people they know.

Levi looks at him with familiar impassiveness, one that’s been aimed his way more than once over the years, a silent _stop being an idiot _slithering familiar up the back of Eren’s skull in Levi’s flat voice. Levi hasn’t had to actually say it to him since the day they met. Eren frowns back and eventually, hesitantly lowers his hands when neither of them still don’t make a move to arrest him, brows drawing together.

“We’re not arresting you,” Levi says, answering the obvious.

This time, Jean frowns, brows angled down into an angry point. “So, what? You _do_ want to sneak him over the Wall?” he demands.

Levi’s eyes cut sharply to him and Jean’s jaw clicks shut, back straightening on reflex. Levi’s gaze shifts back to Eren. “They can’t hold you with the Warhammer Titan’s abilities,” he states, “They’re not caging you.”

An uncomfortable chill drifts down Eren’s spine when the implication sets in, eyes widening a fraction.

No, Levi’s right. The Government gave Hange permission to test his Warhammer abilities after coming back from Marley, they know everything Hange does. They can’t cage him, but they _can_ sedate him, bind him, keep him immobile and docile like a lamb led to the slaughter. He’d be trapped in a basement barely conscious or aware of his own name until- maybe until the curse kills him and takes what little life he has left.

The Titan crystal cave flashes briefly through Eren’s head, the metal cuffs cutting into his bandaged wrists, Rod Reiss and Historia below him while he’d grit his teeth down into the metal bit shoved into his mouth, an unwilling, waiting sacrifice until he’d learned a version of the truth and became pliant.

Eren shudders faintly, finds his fingers curling and forces them to stop, unwind as he re-focuses on Levi.

“What are your orders?” Jean is the one to break the tense silence, voice low and hard, decisive. He’ll do whatever Levi tells him to, Eren knows that just by looking at him. Zackley was right. Soldiers are more likely to obey their superior officers than those in power.

Levi’s quiet as his gaze slowly shifts from Jean back to Eren, always back to Eren, and that, that makes guilt curl tight in Eren’s chest, how much Levi does for him, has done and continues to do for him. Eren shakes his head a little, bangs swaying with it, and Levi’s gaze sharpens, hardens, becomes uncompromising. “We’re leaving,” he says, tone full of order and no room for argument, but Eren tries anyway:

“You’re throwing it all away?” he demands, heart beating hard in his chest as anxiety winds tight. He doesn’t want Levi doing that for him, not for him. It seems foolish now, his giddy excitement this morning, as brief lived as it was. Now all he can see is the weighted look in Levi’s eyes from last night, feels the burden of that weight in his chest as his heart pounds, spreading it like lead throughout all his limbs. _Don’t do this_, Eren thinks, begs with his eyes, but Levi’s stay hard and immovable. He’s made up his mind.

“Gather your shit,” Levi orders Eren, finally moving around the table as he looks to Jean, “Report back that I’m bringing him in. It will buy us a little time.”

Jean pauses briefly but jerks his head in a sharp nod. He turns to go, stopping on his way past Eren. Jean holds his gaze as he rests a hand on Eren’s shoulder briefly, giving it a firm squeeze before he lets go and walks past him. Eren turns a little to watch him until Jean rounds the corner and heads for the door, the sound of the door opening and shutting in the silence tinged with something final. Eren’s suddenly overtaken with wondering when Jean became so unreadable. He was always an open book to Eren, easy to read as anything, but at some point he became older, a pillar, as hard and unknowable as Eren had first thought Levi was. He could see the resolution in Jean’s face, but he doesn’t understand Jean’s motivations.

Eren’s gaze jerks back around at movement in his periphery and he watches Levi open cupboards, gathering food into a sack. His fingers finally curl tight at his sides. “We’re not really doing this, are we?” Eren wants to demand, but it sounds more like a question when it comes out, and the weakness of it makes his anger flare.

Levi barely spares him a glance, pulling out a loaf of bread and stowing it in the sack before turning around, gaze level. “_Get your shit_,” he orders again, sharper as moves past Eren.

Eren grits his teeth, shaking his head as he turns and grabs at Levi’s forearm. “Levi-” he starts. He’s spun around and pinned to the wall so hard and fast it knocks the breath out of him, the pain in his ass, shoulders, and back of his head from the impact only registering after the fact. Eren stares down as Levi glares up, forearm pressed hard to his chest, eyebrows dangerously low and gaze so sharp it could cut him.

“_You were dead_,” Levi states flatly, hard and unbreakable, though there’s something broken in his eyes and it makes Eren swallow, hot-cold at the tone of Levi’s voice and heart beating hard against the arm pressed against his chest. Levi holds his gaze and-

_None of them came back_, Eren realizes as his breath stills, eyes widening, _Levi thought I wasn’t coming back_. It’s stupid. He’s stupid. He should have realized it earlier. Why is he so slow to think about Levi’s feelings in all of this? Because he had to ignore everyone’s in order to save Paradis? Or is that just an excuse for his clumsy ineptitude?

Eren reaches up slowly, carefully, this time wrapping his fingers around Levi’s wrist in a gentle hold instead of an indignant grip. Levi maintains his stare for a beat more before finally pulling back. Eren’s eyes catch on the nubs of two missing fingers. It’s easy to picture the missing flesh and bone, poised to grab him again if he says something else. Levi steps back and Eren reluctantly lets him go, fingers sliding off Levi’s wrist as Levi walks past him, steps faint and quick as he takes the stairs up two at a time. 

Eren just stands there for a minute, staring at where Levi’s eyes had been, his missing fingers. Stupidly, his own eyes start to sting and he feels ten and incompetent all over again. Young, stupid, thoughtless, _selfish_. _I’m sorry_, he thinks, covering his face with a hand and leaning back heavier against the wall before pinching the bridge of his nose when his throat starts to go tight. He’s caused Levi enough- _enough_. He’s done enough. He can at least do this, if Levi’s already made up his mind. He can follow his orders.

Eren finally gets his feet moving and pushes up off the wall, taking the stairs two at a time too and gathering the scant, spare clothes he finds in the dresser, adding them to another sack Levi’s already left on the bed.

\--

They leave the house barely five minutes later, a spare cloak covering Eren with the hood pulled up as they ride towards the forest, their meager belongings slung over his shoulder and his hands gripping Adja’s saddle. Levi’s hood is pulled up too, the both of them sweating under the noon sun. Eren glances at the bags already strapped to Levi’s horse, spots signal flares, a med kit, extra oil and gas tanks for Levi’s gear. Eren’s not sure they’ll need it for titans, but they might need it for people if they run into any trouble. Jean’s trip is only going to buy them so much time. Would any of them suspect Levi of doing something like this? Eren’s not sure. Levi’s always obeyed orders as long as Eren’s known him, but it’s not like it’s unknown that they’re close, their whole squad, but maybe Eren and Levi especially-

“_Everyone knows Captain Levi picked Arlert because you all let your emotions get in the way_.”

Floch’s words ring in his ears from over four years ago, barbed and pointed, and only now does Eren pause to think about them. At the time, his gut had churned at the accusation, at Floch targeting Armin and Captain Levi, at making it sound like Armin wasn’t worthy of the choice and Captain Levi was anything but competent, part of him terrified that Floch was right, with what Eren knew of the world through his father’s memories. But now…

Eren focuses on the back of Levi’s cloaked head, watches the way the edges of the cloak sway under Adja’s trot.

It’s incredibly arrogant and selfish, and maybe unrelated, but now...Eren wonders if part of why Levi chose Armin was because of him. He’d put up the best argument that he could at the time for Armin’s life, told him about Armin’s dreams, the ocean, the hope to see a future past tomorrow that most of them didn’t have, and for some reason...Levi chose him. Eren will never know why, just like he’ll never ask, but he can’t help wondering how much and how far Levi has gone for him when he wasn’t looking, and maybe even when he was and just didn’t realize, blind to Levi’s struggles because he was so focused on his own. It makes Eren’s stomach churn, fingers curling tighter around the leather of the saddle. There’s a pressure in his chest; he can’t tell if it’s good or bad, maybe both. It stings.

\--

They travel well into dusk, aiming off in a direction Eren can only assume is towards Wall Maria. They’d galloped the first forty minutes, hoping to put as much distance as they could between the house, government, and themselves, then Levi let Adja slow to a trot, then eventually a walk, not wanting to tire her out too much in case they needed a quick getaway. It’s unspoken between them, that Eren could shift and run and that they can’t take Adja with them over the Wall unless he’s very careful about carrying her, but Levi hasn’t brought it up and Eren hasn’t either. 

He’s just sat quietly behind Levi, holding onto the saddle and trying, failing not to overthink. The guilt is still there, that Levi is leaving everything, everyone behind for him, that he’s putting his life on the line for him again, _again, again, again_. Part of Eren wants to demand why, wants to reach forward and shake him and tell him to _Please stop, haven’t we lost enough? Haven’t you?_ But he doesn’t, can’t get his fingers to let go of the saddle leather. The words have been threatening to bubble up anyway, and it’s only once the sun has finished setting, the gold streaking through the trees fading down until the stars have come out over their heads that Eren finally voices it:

“You don’t need to do this,” he blurts, shoulders tensing when he catches Levi’s doing the same, his black cloak pitch in the dark, darker than the shadows draped across him from the silhouettes of the trees. Levi shifts his head enough to look back at him, and Eren continues, “I can leave on my own if you really want me to. You don’t need to give everything up for me.” Although it’s already too late. The government has to have realized by now that Levi isn’t bringing Eren in. Levi’s already a wanted fugitive, but there’s still time to turn it around, to make it look like he’d tried to stop Eren, and the damn protest just won’t die on his tongue like Levi’s hard stare seems to want it to. Levi’s gaze shifts forward again, head turning and taking his face to where Eren can’t see.

“I won’t let them crush you under their heels because they’re shitty cowards,” Levi replies, hard and low. 

Eren’s fingers curl, nails digging a little into the saddle. “What about you?” he returns, just as quiet, aching. Levi’s been fighting for a decade to keep his freedom. This takes it away, strips him of the wings he’s been using every day for over ten years of his life. And all for what? Keeping a walking expiration date alive? “I only have four years left,” Eren adds, lips pressing together. He doesn’t see Levi’s grip tightening on Adja’s reins, but he feels her sedate trot come to a stop, Levi turning in his seat after a minute to look back at Eren head on.

“I would rather spend four years with you than let them cage you up like some discarded beast,” Levi states, eyes hard and so- resolute, more resolute than Jean’s had been in the house, it takes Eren’s breath away. He can’t look away from those eyes.

_Why?_ Eren thinks, helpless and desperate.

“_Levi_,” Eren breathes, throat tightening with the swell of emotions in his chest, good and bad and all of them confusing, overwhelming. His lips press together again, backs of his eyes threatening to sting. He doesn’t deserve that kind of devotion, the kind of fortitude that’s backing that decision, even though he badly wishes he did, wants it with so much of himself. “Levi,” Eren repeats, can’t think past his name, can’t think of something to say, a counter argument, a reason, anything to get Levi to drop him off here and turn around, head back.

Eren doesn’t realize he’s slowly leaning forward, down, closer, closer, Levi tilting his head up just a fraction-

Horse hooves and bush rustling has them both jerking apart, Levi whipping forward as he pulls a blade out of its scabbard lightning quick, the sharp edge of it glinting under the starlight. Two shadows come out between the trees less than a minute later and Eren can just make out their faces in the dark when they each pull down their hoods.

“Hange? _Mikasa?_” Eren lets out, eyes wide.

Hange smirks back while Mikasa remains impassive, except for her eyes. Her eyes were always her most expressive feature until she started using 3DM gear.

“Nice to see you in one piece, Eren,” Hange greets back, smirk turning into a beam. Eren notes Mikasa’s eyes quickly darting over him, taking him in and probably checking for signs of injury before her gaze settles back on his face, shoulders slumping just the slightest bit in relief. It still irks him a little, the part of him that had broken her heart to free her from her servitude, but he knows that’s not why she’s doing it. It’s not because she’s an Ackerman, it’s because she’s a Jaeger.

“What are you two doing here?” Eren gets out just as Levi says, “You’re late.” Eren’s eyes snap to him while Hange guides their horse closer with a helpless shrug.

“We left as soon as we could. We’re lucky we got even this much of a head start,” Hange replies, slipping down off their horse. Levi moves to do the same while throwing a look at Eren, a silent order to stay put. Eren stays where he is, taking the reins to hold onto as Levi lets them go with a sterner look. Eren raises a few fingers from the leather in answer and Levi walks over to talk low with Hange, probably about an update on the city and their plans. Mikasa’s horse comes closer and Eren’s attention shifts.

“You’re okay,” Mikasa says quietly, tone bordering on a question.

Eren gives a small nod, then shakes his head a little with a quiet sigh, gaze moving back to Levi. “I wish he’d go back with you,” Eren confesses quietly. His chest twinges at the thought, both at Levi leaving and Mikasa and Hange leaving, of Armin back in the city. Eren hadn’t even thought of that, that he might never see them again, that doing this could put _Armin_ in danger. He’s still so fucking selfish, doesn’t seem to matter how old he gets.

“We will protect Armin,” Mikasa says, like she can read Eren’s thoughts in his eyes. Maybe she can, Eren thinks as he looks over. Mikasa’s gaze shifts to Hange and Levi, watching them for a minute before she says softly, “I’d never seen him move like that.” Eren frowns, taken off guard, and Mikasa glances over at him. “During the battle with Marley. He saw your headless body on the ground. He was terrifying.”

Eren freezes, surprise turning to ice in his veins.

“_Eren!_”

...So that was Levi he’d heard.

Eren drags his gaze away, looking back at Levi. He and Hange are still talking, but Levi glances over at Eren once, just briefly, and Eren’s fingers curl tighter around the reins.

“Don’t give him all the credit,” Hange breaks the tension, smirking over at them. Eren jolts as Levi’s impassive gaze shifts back over too, didn’t realize they could hear them. “You were pretty scary, too.” Hange grins when Mikasa reaches up for her scarf, pausing and lowering her hand when she doesn’t find it wrapped around her neck. The gesture makes something in Eren’s chest kick, maybe guilt, remorse, and his gaze softens. Mikasa glances over, then away, dark brows drawing together a little.

Two Ackermans, fueled by rage and grief, for him. He’d only ever seen Levi like that once, when he’d chased Zeke over the Wall the day Commander Smith died. Even then, Levi had been all but spent, running on fumes just like his gas tanks. Eren had never seen him in combat like that, can only imagine how he and Mikasa were when they thought he was dead, head lying in Zeke’s manipulative hands. 

He shudders, can almost imagine the rage and grief as his own and- slowly reaches over after a minute, gently placing a hand on Mikasa’s forearm, making her eyes dart back to meet his. Eren opens his mouth, closes it, then finally gets out, “I’m sorry,” soft and raw, honest. He watches her eyes widen for a moment and then soften, gaze turning to liquid steel. She reaches over and gives his hand on her arm a firm squeeze, just the one, holding on for a minute until they both pull away.

Hange and Levi return, Levi climbing back on his horse in front of Eren and Hange doing the same with theirs. “Guess this is it for a while, Eren,” Hange says, smiling at him, but it’s determined, sad, a little tense.

Eren swallows, nods once, feels guilt for their complicity but forces it down. “Guess so,” he replies quietly, glancing over at Mikasa. She’s already watching him, brows drawn together and looking- sad, like she’s already missing him even though he’s right here. It makes the guilt beat harder in his chest in time with his heart, and loss, already mourning her and Armin’s presence. He’d had to come to terms with it before, being away from them when he’d left for Marley, had had to come to terms with the fact that they’d hate him too, probably even try to catch or kill him when they’d learned the truth he’d wanted them to. But Mikasa doesn’t hate him, at least not like Eren thought she would. She’ll miss him, and it makes his chest ache. He finally lets himself miss her, too.

Mikasa backs her horse up a couple steps, keeping her eyes on him. “Be safe,” she says, still soft and quiet, warm and familiar, like home. Eren finds his lips twitching up just a little in a sad, becoming worn smile.

“I’ll try,” he replies, can promise that, at the least, “You and Armin, too.” He looks to Hange, “And you.”

Hange nods once and then looks to Levi, raising a brow. “Don’t forget what I told you,” they say mock-sternly.

Levi glares half-heartedly back, tightening his thighs and nudging Adja along with his heels. “Shut up, shitty four-eyes,” he returns, but there’s no real bite in it and Eren turns his head as they go, watching Hange and Mikasa watch them for a beat, two before turning their horses away and heading back into the depths of the forest, two black silhouettes melting into the dark and out of sight. The ache in Eren’s chest pangs and he forces his gaze forward, grip tightening on the saddle for the millionth time.

“Will they be okay?” he asks quietly, almost too quiet, not sure if he wants Levi to hear or not.

Levi sighs, just loud enough for Eren to catch before replying, “I don’t know.” It’s not the answer Eren wants to hear, but the one he needs. It’s the truth.

Eren turns his head to look back one more time, allows himself just that much before forcing his gaze forward as Levi speeds up Adja’s trot, the both of them bouncing along towards the Wall in the dark, beneath a blanket of stars Eren wishes he could look at and not think of Paths or loneliness, or the forlorn ache carved deep in his chest.


	6. Fly

Adja speeds through the forest, Levi guiding her around trees and through bushes while Eren twists back to look around his hood, spots their pursuers and 3DM gear smoke as they rocket closer. He shoots a hand up and grips Levi’s left shoulder tight when a thunder spear comes straight at them; Levi jerks the reins sharply, Adja protesting as she veers right, the blast from the impact deafening and showering them in wood chunks, pelting Eren’s back.

Levi barely managed to sleep for an hour before they were on the move again, Eren taking his hour on the back of Adja, gently patting her flank before he’d back climbed on. They’d run into trouble two hours later, after having to slow down and veer their coarse to cross a flooded bank. It looks like their pursuers haven’t let their horses rest, and Eren’s chest tightens when he spots the insignia on their cloaks and jackets: Military, Garrison, even Survey. They didn’t spare anyone. At least their former squad don’t appear to be among them. Eren darts his eyes forward, judging the distance.

Wall Maria towers ahead, the shadow of it edging closer as they make a dash for it under the sun. Eren could just punch a hole in the Wall with his Warhammer abilities and then reseal it after, he’d realized, having already done something similar when he’d been in that underground cell after coming back from Marley. The problem is he’d need to get close and he’d need ten seconds, both of which are proving hard to come by as another thunder spear blast goes off, sending dirt against the back of his cloaked head and rocking the ground as Levi veers Adja left, her neigh sharp and displeased.

Levi shifts, pulling Eren’s attention back. Eren watches him get up to his feet on the center of the saddle and draw his blades, flipping the left instead of his usual right to accommodate his missing fingers. He glares back over his shoulder at their pursuers, gauging, and Eren can’t pull his eyes away. Levi’s shift down to him. “Keep going to the Wall,” he orders, sending Eren’s heart pounding up into his throat as Levi shoots a line out and takes off directly behind them, Eren whipping around to watch him. 

Levi knocks a blade out of one of the soldier’s hands and cuts their lines before darting off to the next surprised face, and Eren forces his eyes forward, shifting up into the cradle of the saddle and seizing the reins, urging Adja to keep going. He looks up as the shadow of the Wall finally slants over them and his breath huffs almost as quick as Adja’s beneath him, can feel her ribcage expanding and contracting while adrenaline pumps in their veins. _Almost there_.

Eren urges her faster, trying to put more distance between them and Levi, as much as he doesn’t want to. He feels a spike of guilt for pushing her so hard but she does it, putting on even more speed as they close the distance. Eren jerks the reins sideways once they’re close enough and quickly slows Adja down as they run parallel with the Wall, jumping off and already reaching a hand forward as he closes his eyes and summons his abilities. He feels the skin beneath his eyes split and the wind pick up as he focuses the rush in his veins, hood whipping off as he _pushes_, feels the Wall give and a jagged hole tunnel through. He opens his eyes, relieved to find no piece of the Colossal Titan inside peeking out and quickly moves back over, hopping onto Adja and urging her through as he chances a look over his shoulder.

Levi’s still fighting, spinning and flipping gracefully in the air in ways that send Eren’s pulse skyrocketing, and not because of the danger. Levi’s always been a sight to see when he’s using his gear, efficient, beautiful, awe inspiring, and part of Eren is going to miss it.

He gets to the other side of the hole, hops off Adja, and waits, hand already pressed to the Wall. Levi angles himself closer, closer- He whistles, sharp and loud, and Adja gallops back through the gap, Levi barely dodging a blade taking off his head as he full body twists to land on her back and grabs the reins, pushes her faster. Eren starts to close the hole once they’re halfway through, watches some of the soldiers try to follow while the rest jerk back. Levi comes out the other side and Eren immediately seals it, grimacing a little at the cut off screams. He runs over and climbs back up onto Adja and Levi urges her to go, taking them away.

_They’ll try to follow_, Eren thinks, pulling his hood back up and looking over his shoulder up at the top of the Wall. They’ll try to scale it and pursue, but this should buy them time. For what, he doesn’t know. There’s nowhere safe on the island for them to stay. They could leave, but that requires-

Eren stills, gaze darting forward to the hills and trees up ahead to take stock of their location, then down to Levi. “The pier?” Eren asks over the rushing wind. Levi turns his head and looks back at him. He doesn’t say anything, but he doesn’t need to. Eren’s lips press together and Levi looks forward again.

They’ll have to kill more people to get a boat, maybe just as many following them if the government has already figured it out. Eren might need to shift.

\--

Levi finally lets Adja slow once they’re almost an hour out, carries on for another half hour before finally bringing her to a stop and climbing down, Eren following suit. They walk for the next two hours and then finally make camp once it’s dark, a small, miserable thing with a small makeshift fire pit to see by, full of wood and sticks collected from the surrounding area. Eren finds himself looking around while he eats some of the bread Levi brought from the house, chewing and swallowing as he takes in the scenery. It looks the same outside the Walls as it does inside, for the most part. Here, everything is more overgrown, more wild in some places, but it’s still full of grass, trees, shrubs, and animal noises, birds up above in the leaves and rabbits down below in the bushes.

That was maybe one of the more surreal, grounding things Eren learned the first time he’d come so far out. The air felt cleaner, fresher out here, but the way it looked wasn’t much different. Still, the lack of Walls towering above him from all sides made the air sweeter, made his lungs feel more endless with every breath he took, like he could just keep going, pull in all the air outside the Walls and keep it to himself, let it take him up and fly away. But he was never a bird, he’d thought as he’d exhaled, staring out across the sea into the mid-afternoon sun. As much as he’d wanted to fly, and had, briefly, he was something that lived and breathed on the ground, something that existed beneath the sky and sun and beating wings of the Gulls overhead, not among them.

Eren glances over at Levi, watching him finish his own bread as he stares out into the forest, eyes sharp and alert, ready for any sign of trouble despite how relaxed he looks, one knee propped up and a forearm resting over it.

Levi is a bird. Eren still wonders what Levi sees in him that would make him give up his wings. His chest aches thinking about it, and he can’t help gripping the last of his roll tighter, forcing the rest of it into his mouth and reluctantly chewing and swallowing, not wasting a crumb. He listens to the birds up in the trees, their soft whistles pairing with the distant, occasional shrub rustle of animals going to or from their earthen dens. They all live together here, even when they don’t, Eren thinks, glancing over at Levi again before tilting his head back to gaze up at the stars between the branches. They’re all part of the same world, even when they have so little in common with each other.

Eren still wants to ask why Levi is doing this, why he’s doing any of this, but the words don’t bubble up like they had earlier, and Eren keeps his lips sealed, lowering his head to stare into the fire. The flames lick and dance and sway, a lover unto themselves, and Eren’s cheeks warm at the thought, goosebumps prickling up his forearms beneath his shirt.

‘_Lover_’, is that something to do with it?

He glances over at Levi again, stilling when he finds Levi looking back, gaze steady. Eren’s darts away like a scared fish in the ocean, cheeks warming further.

He’s never had one before. He doesn’t know what that’s like, being with someone that way. Kissing is one thing, but to tear your chest open and offer your vulnerable insides to another is painful, messy, vulnerable…Did he already do that? 

Eren thinks of the kiss they’d shared, the desperation he can still feel tinged at the edges of him, and his fingers curl uselessly in his lap. _Are we that?_ he wants to ask, risking one more look. 

Levi’s gaze is focused on the flames this time, the firelight giving his skin a soft, warm hue and making his edges glow. He’s not beautiful, not in the way most people seem to look for. His eyes are narrow, smaller than Eren’s, his cheekbones are sharp, his jaw is hard, firm, and strong, his hair is soft razors. All of him is hard and sharp, like a blade, but that’s where Eren finds the beauty, that and in his strength, his determination, his will. 

Levi is a terrifying man, Zeke knew it the moment they met, Eren learned that much in the Paths, but Zeke never saw the beauty in that terror, of seeing it wielded for humanity, for _people_, for life. Everyone partakes of Levi’s strength when he’s on the battlefield and even when he’s not, Eren has done it himself, is still doing it now, even with the strain and distance he’d put between them over the past few months. He loves everything there is about Levi: from his crass words to his sharp glares, from his blades, shining like wings in the middle of a battlefield, to his tender quiet, when it was just the two of them surrounded by trees, a castle, and the stars, a warm cup of tea in Levi’s hand and steam wafting up against his battle worn palm.

He loves Levi.

Eren’s eyes widen at the thought, breath and body going oddly still- 

And then they resume, only to freeze again when Levi looks his way. It doesn’t feel as strange as Eren thought it would. It almost feels normal, like he’s loved Levi this whole time, even though he knows he hasn’t.

Eren’s heart pounds and he swallows the extra build of nervous saliva, watches the firelight reflect in Levi’s eyes as they stare at one another, one eye darker than the other, and wants- just _wants_. The desperation licks at Eren’s insides like the flames at the firewood, and something in Levi’s gaze shifts, his own body stilling. Eren’s not sure how he can see it, the subtle change, maybe because he’s so focused on him. Levi doesn’t move, and Eren could sit here, could keep sitting here and saying nothing. He could chance glances at Levi all night, try to catch sight of him sitting still and keeping watch when Eren should be sleeping, or when it’s Levi’s turn to rest, see the way his face becomes a little less tense, though mostly retains everything it has now, save for that little...something, that shift, that change, that thing Eren doesn’t want to put a name on because he doesn’t want to assume, doesn’t want to push his way into Levi’s feelings. He wants Levi to tell him himself, someday, if any. Even if he doesn’t, it won’t change how Eren feels, and that is-...

Eren’s not sure where he gets the courage, but he shifts up on his knees and shuffles across the few feet of space between them, lowering back down and looking at Levi. His hands slowly come up, one after the other, and Eren gently, cautiously cradles Levi’s cheeks like he might cut himself if he isn’t careful, like he could somehow damage Levi with the blood he’d spill all over him. 

Eren brushes a thumb along the scar closest to Levi’s jaw, then the bottom of the one next to it that took his eye, feels the raised skin against the smooth and anger flickers in his chest, useless and impotent. Eren slowly, very slowly leans down, eyes staying open until there’s just a breath of space between them, dark and light gray disappearing into black as he finally lets his eyes close and presses their mouths together, a little stiff and very careful. It makes the kiss gentle and unsure, the raised skin of the scar cutting across Levi’s lips pressed to his own unfairly unmarred ones, Eren’s heart still hammering hard enough he almost doesn’t hear the eventual, slow sigh, feels it warm against his upper lip. His shoulders slump and then Levi’s kissing him back, pressing up into it as a hand holds his jaw, calloused palm along the edge and fingers, missing and there, brushing across his fire warmed skin.

Eren’s heart swells in his chest, so warm and full. It’s almost unbearable, feels like it doesn’t fit, but he can’t pull away either, can barely fathom it as Levi gives his jaw a gentle nudge. Eren tilts his head and the kiss grows deeper, Levi nipping at his lips, just the once, like a fish testing the breadcrumbs it finds floating in its pond. Does it want them, does it not? He nips again so Eren opens his mouth, lets Levi inside as he shuffles closer. Levi moves, wraps an arm around his waist and pulls him around and down, Eren’s back hitting the forest floor in a controlled fall. The impact doesn’t hurt, but it surprises him, and his eyes blink open as the kiss breaks, Levi’s gaze already on him. It almost hurts, the intensity of it, all those blades pointed directly at his chest, ready to flay him apart. Eren slides his hand up, tugs Levi’s head down, feels the silky smooth strands beneath his palm and draws all of those blades down into himself. He can almost feel it, the warmth of his blood seeping out of his body as they bury in deep, and Levi makes a low sound against his mouth, barely there as the kiss grows deep again like he can feel it too, the warmth, the overflow.

Eren swallows the sound, greedy, even now, and Levi shifts over him, covers half of him in his weight. Eren takes it, wants it, grips at the back of Levi’s hair above his undercut and relishes in the little, tingling shiver that skates up his arm from the bottom of his palm brushing against the shorn underside. Eren still feels fit to burst as their tongues meet, slide warm and wet next to the heat of the fire. He lets out a shaky breath through his nose and then Levi’s swallowing the faint sound he makes, scours it out of his mouth and takes it into his like he wants to keep it.

_I love Levi_, Eren thinks, though the word doesn’t feel right, doesn’t measure up. It’s a miniscule, fleeting thing that drifts up in the air above their heads and joins the stars like the smoke from the fire. But it’s the only word he has for the way he feels, the tight heat in his chest and urge to pull Levi close, to not let go. Eren thinks it over and over as Levi tangles fingers in his hair and tilts his chin up with a hand, directs the angles of the kiss like he wants Eren in every way. And Eren gives it to him, all of it, is helpless but to, taking anything and everything he can in return even though part of him wants to push, run away, leave Levi behind to salvage whatever is left of his life here.

But Eren’s always been greedy, and selfish, and instead he clings to Levi tighter, soaks in the warmth of his body pressing hard and firm to his, even the pieces of gear and straps that dig into him through his clothes, the way Levi’s dark cloak settles over them and makes the heat from the fire too warm. There’s sweat starting to build on his skin and Eren doesn’t care, just pulls Levi closer and gets lost in his touch, his mouth, his scent, his warmth, the blades piercing everything he is like they can stay together like this if Levi just stabs himself into Eren deep enough. Levi sucks in a little breath through his nose and pulls back, just enough to look down at him with an inch between their noses, the steel in his gaze liquid hot like it’s been smelt in the fire, and Eren thinks-

They will, a last, little hope. Levi will always be with him, even when his four years are done. He’s buried himself too deep in Eren to be lost now, even when Eren’s body is long gone. Whether Levi wants to stay or not, he’s made a home in him, one Eren will never destroy. He’s done that with everything else in his life: destroyed things, relationships, homes, people, Walls. But he can protect this one, he _will _protect this one, until long after he’s gone. He only hopes that maybe, just maybe, Levi will want to protect it too, to stay, even when the flame in Eren has finally snuffed out.

_I love you_, Eren thinks again, leaning up to kiss Levi with the desperation of before, the longing of his years, the heat in his chest, gasping between kisses to try and catch his breath against the emotions pushing at him from all sides. Levi looks at him in the spaces between, returning each one, and Eren feels flayed open, vulnerable, his insides at Levi’s feet like a prey animal.

_Please, _he thinks, startled at his own thought, _keep me as long as you can_.

When Eren looks, really looks past the haze of his own rush, he thinks he can see it there in Levi’s eyes too, that same warmth, the same tinge of desperation, thinks he can feel it in the way Levi’s hand tightens just a little on his jaw, in his hair. Eren still doesn’t know how or why Levi would want someone like him, but it doesn’t matter now, not when Levi’s leaning down to close the space between them again and Eren’s dragging him in like the ocean to the shore, as ceaseless and unrelenting and filled with just as much unquenched yearning, the yearning of something that will never get enough, no matter how much Levi offers to him. He could offer everything and Eren would still be lapping at his shores, begging for that little bit more and giving every broken piece of himself in return. Levi’s already taken it, whatever beats inside his chest, an unkillable heart, and Eren finally lets himself bury his fingers in Levi’s hair, listening to Adja shift her hooves nearby as he swallows.

He might never know why Levi wants him, what he sees when he looks at Eren, but Levi can have him, already does, everything. The war is over and Eren’s duty is done. He can give it all now, no matter the people chasing after them. His duty has become selfishness, his duty is to Levi. But maybe...maybe that’s the ‘why’, maybe that’s the choice Levi made when he chose Eren, to be selfish, just this once. _Just this once_. Maybe he didn’t rip off his wings, maybe Eren was wrong and instead, they grew.


	7. Sea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Been listening to this off and on for this and the last chapter; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NbiImOfKZk8 "Simple And Clean (Marrzaan Remix)"

Levi stops them about a mile from the pier and climbs down off Adja, Eren hesitantly following. The surrounding bushes brush against his ankles in a quiet rustle as his boots touch the ground and Eren frowns over at Levi, pausing when he finds him holding the side of Adja’s muzzle with care as the gold sunlight backs him, flecks of sunshine in both their eyes. Levi strokes a few fingers down Adja’s black snout, then after a minute, reaches forward and undoes her bridle, giving it a gentle tug to pull the bit out of her mouth and dropping the whole thing to the ground. Adja’s head shakes briefly as she adjusts and Levi starts removing the gear from her saddle, then the saddle itself, leather straps and shined silver buckles clinking in familiar harmony. Eren finds his heart beating faster as Levi sets the saddle on the ground next, heart giving a squeeze in his chest as he puts the pieces together.

Levi’s saying goodbye.

It’d crossed Eren’s mind briefly when he’d thought of crossing the Wall, but it hadn’t when he’d realized they were leaving the island. They could try to take Adja with them, but it’s an unnecessary risk to her and- she’s nearly at retirement age. It’d be better for her to stay here, to roam the pastures, free and unchained, just like Eren had hoped she would be. There’s no more titans on the island, no abnormals that might take notice of her and find her an enticing meal in place of a human. She’d be safe, and free. The soldiers following them have no interest in her.

Eren slowly moves closer to where Levi’s brushing his fingers through her dark hair in long strokes, gently petting her neck in the process while he feeds her a last sugarcube he seems to have stashed on his person at some point. Eren’s heart twists again, remembers watching Levi do the same back when they’d been at the old castle headquarters. He’d caught Levi sometimes, at night during his stable duties, just petting her and slipping her one cube, just the one. Levi had looked at him once when Eren had caught him and a sort of quiet understanding had passed between them. Eren had gone back to his duties, maybe being a little quieter and more respectful than usual, and Levi had stood there, stroking Adja’s mane and snout before eventually leaving the stable without a word. 

The memory twists now, aches, and Eren slowly reaches a hand up, stroking it down her mane, too. “How long has she been with you?” he asks, barely above a whisper. Any louder and it feels like he’d be infringing somewhere that’s not for him, even if Levi might not kick him out.

Levi’s gaze remains on Adja, the gentle dark brown of her eyes taking him in. “Since I joined the Scouts,” he answers, just as quiet, and Eren jolts faintly as his widened eyes snap over, then shift back to Adja. That long? It’s not unheard of, but- for some reason Eren never considered it, that Adja has been with Levi for over a decade. She’s been with him through it all, every battle, every loss, and now he has to leave her behind like everything else. 

Eren’s gut twists with guilt and he takes a breath, keeps his strokes gentle even though his fingers shake just faintly. “She’ll be okay?” he wants to reassure, but it comes out as a question. It’s probably better that way, he doesn’t want to give false promises, especially not to Levi, who knows better.

Levi doesn’t say anything, instead giving Adja one more gentle pat before pulling his hand away. She moves to follow him when he takes a step back, neck stretching out towards him like an old friend, and Levi allows himself the moment, just the one, to rest his hand on her snout. “It’s time to go,” he says quietly, the edge in his voice almost soft, and then he pulls away again, gathering half their gear and starting to move down the nearby hill. 

Eren moves to gather the rest of it after one more, grateful, lingering pat of his own and follows. Levi doesn’t look back, but Eren does, just once, watches Adja watch them as she stays where Levi left her, pitch black mane lifting in the breeze. Part of him wants to cry for them, some old, buried child in him since he knows Levi won’t, but Eren turns his head forward and tightens his jaw against it, listening to the grass rustle beneath their steps and feeling the wind lift his hair like Adja’s. It’s not comforting.

Levi has had to say goodbye to so many, to everyone. Eren wishes vehemently that for once, he didn’t have to.

\--

They crouch in the twilight for a few minutes as they survey the pier, taking what little time and light they have to do it. It’s not enough to memorize the whole guard rotation, but it will have to do. Levi shifts, pulls a knife out of somewhere and hands it to him. Eren takes it, slipping it into his pocket. They share a glance, unspoken words between them, and then Levi moves, darting into the glaring, dying sunlight and stretching shadows while Eren retreats behind the hill, waiting. He hears the signal ten minutes later: a sharp crack just before a loud explosion goes off beyond the hill and lifts his hand to his mouth, sinking his teeth in. The lightning ripples across him as he makes his own explosion, flesh and bone and sinew wrapping around him in familiar heat. He feels the electric current light up his spine like an old friend and flood his eyes with second vision, and then he's moving, pushing his Titan to run for the pier. He catches sight of Levi at the other end of it, sees soldiers heading towards him as he uses his gear to grapple up onto one of the big ships, slinging himself around in diversion.

Eren runs, takes the slope down in four strides and then he’s reaching for the first ship. He angles it onto his back and slowly pulls it out of the water, hears shouts of commotion when the soldiers notice him and forces his Titan’s legs to move faster, pushes through the heavy weight hunching his back beneath it. He gets one ship out, part of two before he feels a grapple dig like a bug bite into his shoulder, green eyes shifting to the soldier coming at him with his blades poised. Eren drops the ship and yanks the grapple out, gripping the line, thinks of Annie doing the same in the forest years ago and pushes through the nostalgic nausea, careful as he lobs the soldier over into the embrace of tree leaves. He manages to get one of the last of the bigger ships up onto the shore before more grapples hook into his flesh, and his eyes dart up.

“Eren!” Levi shouts, landing on his shoulder and digging a blade into it for balance, the hair reaching past Eren’s shoulders half-hiding Levi from him. 

Eren moves, doesn’t need to be told twice, scooping up one of the smaller boats and sprinting for the ocean. Levi’s second blade digs into his shoulder to fight the jostle of his heavy steps and then Eren reaches the end of the pier, leaping off and free falling for a thundering heartbeat before his feet plunge into icy water, the sound of waves cascading around them back onto the shore. He keeps moving, the sea up to his stomach and cradling the boat carefully in his palm. There’s more shouts behind them, a couple lines sink into his back and Levi is quick to move, ripping his blades out of Eren to cut them with ease, dropping the soldiers into the water with indignant shouts. 

When the ocean reaches his chest, Eren lowers the boat in a gentle cradle in the cage of his fingers and climbs out of his Titan, quickly yanking himself free of the clinging tendons and running along his own shoulder and up his arm, jumping on just as Levi gets the boat engine started. They take off out of his hand into the horizon and Eren looks back, locks eyes with his own lifeless ones as he watches his giant body slowly sink down into the sea, disappearing into the darkening depths. Something twists in his chest then, something like freedom and loss, just as deep, unfathomable, and unnamable as his gaze shifts from where his Titan sunk to Paradis beyond it. He breathes through it, forcing his eyes forward as he climbs up to find Levi.

Eren managed to grab a decent boat, not something small but not something huge. There’s space below to rest and eat when Eren takes a look down the short stairs, stowing their gear and bags down there before heading back up. Levi’s at the helm, pulls the gear to put the boat on a straight coarse and looks back to check they’re not being followed, short hair whipping like sharp black talons in the wind. 

Eren gets the urge to touch, pushing his own bangs out of his eyes instead as he takes Levi in, gaze catching on a glint of- something on Levi’s side, the last of the light hitting it just right and making it rust red. “Levi,” Eren says urgently as his eyes dart back up.

Levi finally looks at him, then down at his side. “Yeah,” he replies, unphased. 

Eren hurries down into the lower part of the boat and digs out their small medkit, taking the stairs back up three at a time, only needing one. One of Levi’s brows twitch up as Eren gets the kit open, but he holds still as Eren pushes his shirt up to get at the wound. It’s shallow, fortunately, messier than it looks with blood smearing across Levi’s pale skin. Eren cleans it as best as he can, glancing up briefly at one point to find Levi staring down at him, watching with that same neutral expression. There’s no heat in his eyes, just some cross between boredom and mild amusement, but Eren feels his face warm anyway, getting a bandage on the wound before finally pulling his hands back, fingertips burning at the loss.

Levi lowers his shirt and Eren heads down to put the medkit away, taking the time to calm his head and get the childish blush off his face. When he comes back up the stairs, Levi is sitting towards the back of the boat this time, looking back at the island. Eren looks too, watches Paradis slowly get smaller and smaller and can’t help looking for any sign of boats following while his heart crumples in his chest. It almost feels like how it’d felt the first time he’d left the island for Marley, breathing shallow and chest constricting tight, some chunk of him left on that rock and grass and shore while he’d pulled everything of himself in tight and had tried to put a lid on it. He doesn’t have to do that now, and he doesn’t try, but his fingers curl at his sides and he grits his teeth, watching..._home_ grow distant and faint. 

At some point, he drags his eyes down to Levi, who’s still watching, hair whipping in the wind, and Eren can’t figure out if it’s because he’s looking for pursuers too, or if he’s missing the island like Eren is. Levi’d left it for Marley when Eren had sent those letters telling the Survey Corps of his plans, or at least a portion of them. Eren hadn’t thought about it much at the time. There was a lot he couldn’t bother thinking about at the time. But he thinks about it now, his friends leaving Paradis for the first time in their lives. Were they scared? Were they excited? He thinks of Sasha, lying dead in the zeppelin the Scouts stole and tries to breathe past that ache, too.

Levi turns his head to look up at him then, eyes narrowing as he studies him. “We need to cut your hair,” he says, and Eren pauses, blinking stupidly at the subject change. Levi pulls a knife out of his thigh holster and gives him a look, and Eren hesitantly jerks down into a kneel in front of him, nearly automatic after all the years, bracing a hand on the edge of the seat next to Levi’s thigh to try and hold himself steady against the minimal rocking of the boat. Levi looks at him for a long time, gaze shifting over his face and hair before he finally reaches forward, gathering what he can of Eren’s bangs and slicing across. He tosses the hair over into the ocean and reaches forward again, repeating it twice before telling Eren to turn around. 

Eren does, breathing a little fast. He’s not sure why he is, it’s just hair. He feels cool fingers brush the back of his neck as Levi gathers more and a faint shudder runs through him that has him closing his eyes, trying to hold still. The boat rocks and Levi curses quietly, gathering the fallen strands up and trying again. He shorns the back off like it’s personally offended him, a sharp slice up that Eren can feel tug at his scalp as the hair comes off, leaving the back of his neck exposed. It sends a tingle down his spine, almost unpleasant, and Eren resists the urge to reach back and cover the spot, lips flattening and jaw tightening. Levi fists his hand in the rest closer to the top and the comforting weight of his hair disappears, leaving Eren feeling an impression of when he was young, fifteen and reckless, ten and stupid. He’d had it short for so long, it shouldn’t feel so strange to have it short again now, should it?

“Done,” Levi says after some minor touch ups. Eren hears his knife slide back into its sheath and slowly turns around, still kneeling as he finally raises his hand to the back of his neck, just briefly, using the motion of checking the rest of his hair as an excuse to cover his nape for a second, memories flashing briefly of being bitten, eaten.

Levi’s left his bangs longer than the rest, enough to try and hide some of his face and Eren’s telltale, starburst, green eyes. But the back is short, maybe even shorter than he’d used to keep it back when his mother used to cut it for him.

Eren knows they needed to do something to differentiate him, separate him from how he’s looked over the past few years, how he looked in Marley, especially, but it still leaves him feeling...vulnerable and exposed, like the weight on his shoulders has been uncovered and revealed to the world: leaving his friends, his family, the island, even Levi’s horse. His hair has all been tossed out into the sea, discarded like his Titan body, and Eren’s not sure how to feel about it. Levi’s given things up just to be here with him, to help him, save him. Eren has no right to feel so affected by cutting his _hair_.

But he feels the start of a sting at the backs of his eyes, a lurking tightness starting in his throat, and swallows against it, keeping his hands at his sides even though he wants to reach up and cover his neck again. He feels the gaze that he finally realizes has been on him the whole time then and takes a breath before looking over. 

Levi is watching him, brows drawn together a bit and the corners of his lips curled down just a fraction. “This is what you cry over?” he asks.

Eren blinks, only then feels the rapid build in his eyes now that Levi’s poked at it and quickly wipes at his face with his sleeves when the tears spill hot over his cheeks. “It’s not just the hair,” Eren gets out shakily and struggles to rein himself in. It didn’t used to be this hard, when he had a mission.

Levi is silent for a beat, then Eren hears a quiet, agreeing, “No.” He risks another look up after he’s wiped at his face again, finds Levi’s gaze lesser, milder. He’s not a soft man, Eren’s not sure he ever has been, but part of Eren almost wants to say his gaze looks soft and gentle now, similar to how it had been when Levi had said goodbye to Adja, except this time that gaze is focused on Eren.

_He cares about me_, Eren realizes, then frowns faintly at himself. Levi wouldn’t go through all this trouble after the war if he_ didn’t_ care about him, he wouldn’t kiss him if he didn’t care, he wouldn’t look at him like that if he didn’t care. He wouldn’t have left everything behind if he didn’t care. He’s not here because he thinks Eren will be useful on the war front, nor because he’s under orders. The only reason he would be here doing all this is because he wants to.

Eren’s eyes well up again and he covers them with a hand, gritting his teeth in frustration at himself.

“_You’re an angry cryer, my love_,” his mother had told him once, a long time ago when he was small and young, “_It’s nothing to be ashamed of_.” It’d just made him angrier then. It still does now. It’s his own fault. He just can’t fathom anyone caring about him after everything he’s done, after every betrayal he’s piled up at his own feet, regardless of the evidence he keeps getting to the contrary.

After a minute, a hand touches his forearm, a couple fingers missing where they press, and Eren pulls in a ragged breath, allowing himself the weakness of squeezing his eyes shut behind the cover of his sleeve before he pulls it away, looking back up at Levi with furrowed brows. The corners of Levi’s lips twitch, just faintly, but Eren catches it. Something in his chest starts to unwind, just a little.

_You can still smile?_ Eren wants to ask in wonder, but he swallows the words down, bottles them up and discards them out into the sea with his Titan and hair. Asking would just make Levi shut down, and Eren doesn’t want that. So instead of asking something stupid, Eren pushes himself up and takes a seat next to Levi on the hard wood, looking over at him as their bangs blow in the wind, black and brown. The urge to touch is there again, to close the space between them, but Eren hesitates, waits, isn’t sure what for, but he does, even though all he really wants to do is kiss the place where Levi’s tiny rare smile had come from.

It’s quiet for a short while, just the sound of the boat engine in the growing dark. It’s getting harder to see, would be near impossible if the moon wasn’t out between the clouds. “I want to kiss you,” Eren finally disturbs the quiet in a rough whisper, like a splash in a pond, nothing so graceful and subtle as a ripple. 

One of Levi’s eyebrows twitch up, one corner of his mouth quirking in the barest hint of a smirk, the moonlight highlighting his features: his cheekbones, the line of his nose, the curves of his jaw and lips and chin, the edges of some of his smaller scars. His eyes are the most amused part of his face, have always been the most expressive part of him. He and Mikasa are similar in that regard. Eren briefly, ridiculously wonders if it’s an Ackerman thing. Maybe it’s in their genes to be stoic and unreadable.

“Oh?” Levi asks, but it sounds more like a tease than an actual question, that hint of amusement from his eyes allowed into his voice, “You don’t need my permission.” _You already have it_, goes unsaid. 

It surprises Eren for a beat, and then Eren takes a breath of salt filled air to try and make himself feel braver, and leans over, pausing briefly before pressing their mouths together. It’s awkward, and the rocking of the boat makes it jarred and uncomfortable, their teeth knocking together through their lips. Levi grabs his jaw to help steady him and changes the angle, slots their mouths in a way that feels so much better and less like a bumbling, newborn fawn stumbling through the forest. 

Levi’s tongue eases the sting in Eren’s lips from his teeth and the ache in his chest, makes it both hurt less and worse and Eren scoots closer, slowly wraps an arm around Levi’s waist and tries not to be hesitant about it, give away how hard his heart is pounding in his ears and drowning out the ocean waves, the heat stoked hot in his chest. Levi’s lips do that thing again, Eren can feel it, quirk up just a little at the corners and Eren finds himself huffing a faint breath through his nose, his own twitching up as some of the tension finally eases out of him.

It’s dumb, stupid maybe. He shouldn’t be happy right now and most of him isn’t, but Levi is here with him, he’s not alone, and Eren’s heart is pounding hard with the feel of Levi’s tiny smile pressed to his lips and the realization that Levi, for all he doesn’t say and keeps to himself,_ cares_ for him. He doesn’t kiss Eren because he’s looking for a temporary distraction, he doesn’t slide his hand down the side of Eren’s neck, around to the exposed back of it to send a hard shudder through him because he’s looking for a quick fuck. He’s here, with Eren, running away from everything they’ve ever really known because he wants to keep him alive. Because that’s important enough to him to do all this, to give everything up. Eren finally lets himself think that, _feel_ it, and his breath stutters out of his mouth and into Levi’s.

_Do you love me?_ Eren wants to ask, cracking his eyes open. Levi’s crack open after a beat too like he can feel Eren looking at him. He probably can. But the kissing doesn’t stop and Eren feels his heart beat harder with- adrenaline, love, names it now that he knows what it is. But he doesn’t ask, and he never will, and even though he doesn’t, it feels like maybe, as much as Levi is capable after everything, he might.

Eren tries tilting his head the other way, focuses on brushing his own tongue against the scar on Levi’s lips, and greedily drinks in the low sound Levi makes that would have gotten lost to the surrounding sea if Eren hadn’t caught it with his mouth first.

——

They reach Marley in the morning, Levi already at the boat’s helm when Eren wakes below deck. He stretches, pops his back and neck, and heads up, greeted by early morning purple clouds. Levi slows the boat once they're close to Marley’s waters, Eren fetching his cloak and slipping it on, flipping his hood up as he gathers their gear.

Levi flips his own hood up as he guides the boat into Marley’s port and kills the engine, letting the boat drift until it knocks against the cement port in an unsteady, jarring stop. Eren grabs their gear and climbs out, legs just a little shaky when they meet solid ground again. He walks over towards the high rising wall facing the open sea and stops under its shade, glancing up its height. Kruger’s memories flash through his head briefly when he turns his gaze out to the ocean, then his father’s of seeing the same view. Eren lets them wash over him and fade back down into the depths, bowing his head to let his bangs shift forward and hide his eyes.

Levi walks by, glances at him with a jerk of his chin and Eren moves over to meet him, Levi taking some of their gear before leading the way over to stairs that seem to just go _up up up_.

Marley is quiet as they walk down a back street, suffocatingly so. The buildings in this part of the city are intact, escaped Eren’s plans, but he spots only a few people out, setting up store fronts and small stands of food or wears. Windows are closed and doors are locked, no children running and playing under the overcast sky, only the scarce businessman trudging determinedly towards his destination like he’s marching off to war again, head down and not making eye contact with anyone, much like Eren himself. It helps make Eren less conspicuous for keeping his own head bowed at least, though he and Levi probably still stand out to anyone who actually takes a second look at them, steps kept quiet in a ghost town to try and minimize the attention.

Levi leads the way through the gloomy city, deferring to Eren when they get past his layout knowledge. Eren guides them around the city center and out towards the perimeter, clenching his jaw against memories and trying to ignore the phantoms lingering in his periphery, the sounds and smells he can remember from his last time here: rubble dust and screams, the copper of blood in the air and phantom pain from getting stabbed in the gut and shoulder. They don’t stop for anything on their way out of the city, but Eren stops once they reach the top of a hill past its borders, glancing back. The gray buildings rise and fall, a section in the distance mangled and in the process of being cleared of rubble lingering from him and the Warhammer Titan.

Eren looks at that spot for a minute, then turns his head around to face forward, catching Levi’s gaze. His scars stand out more here, against his black hood surrounded by gray sky, even though this isn’t where he got them, and Eren swallows, searching his gaze, his face.

Eren had already made up his mind that he wouldn’t regret his choice, and he doesn’t, it led to freedom for Paradis, at least for the next while. It gave them all a chance to survive. He can’t regret something like that, but...that doesn’t mean it doesn’t ache, sharp and deep, the prices they all paid, the damage he’d done. Eren has been called a monster, a destroyer, and a savior, sometimes all three in the same fanatical breath, but mostly he just...feels tired, the weight of it all resting heavy on his shoulders and heart. But his heart keeps beating, at least for now, and he bears it, bears it all. What else is he going to do? Lay down and die? He won’t, he’ll keep moving forward, and he’ll carry that weight with him until he’s no longer able, not just for him but...for Levi now, too. He owes Levi, and he doesn’t want to leave him, for Levi and for his own selfish reasons.

The ache in Eren settles and he lets out a slow breath. Levi’s gaze shifts, spots the change, and then he turns around and keeps walking, heading for the next hill. Eren gets his feet moving and follows, gripping the shoulder strap of one of the bags tight.

He’ll keep walking, keep moving, even if he doesn’t know where the path is heading to anymore. His gaze settles on Levi’s broad back just a little ahead of him, the ends of his black cloak lifting gently in the cool breeze, barely revealing the ends of his sword canisters. Eren has seen his back hundreds of times, strong and unbending, and he follows it again, can now, instead of walking this path alone. It brings the ache back, but this time it’s tinged bittersweet like the first bite of a bitter apple in the summer sun. The clouds are gray and gloomy, just getting darker the farther away from Marley they get, but gloom isn’t the only thing Eren feels inside, and that’s something that takes him by surprise, something he hadn’t expected. He was never expecting some happy ending, he wasn’t even expecting to still be living and breathing, but the fact that he feels some twinge of happiness now, even after everything- 

It feels unfair to everyone else, but Eren holds it tight in his greedy hands and doesn’t let go as he keeps his eyes on Levi’s back, refuses to let go. 

He won’t let go of it.


	8. Divide

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't remember who all looked over this for me but thank you guys for doing it. Q_Q As hectic as it was, it was a learning experience and eye opening <3

They find an abandoned shack to stay in for the night. An overgrown tree has nearly taken over the right wall, shading the entire roof. The sky over their heads is heavy and ready to pelt the world in a rainstorm; the tension in the atmosphere crackling along Eren’s skin like Titan lightning, so similar it makes him wonder briefly just how connected everything is. He saw it all when he was in the Paths, but it wasn’t something his mind could retain after the fact, too much information and stimuli to hold all at once. A lot of it is gone, forgotten or faded, resting in the back of his mind with the Founder. Ymir is still asleep back there when he checks, just the tiniest peek below the curtain. She’s been working nonstop for hundreds of years, and Eren is grateful all she wants to do is sleep. He’d prefer to have his head more to himself these days than not.

Levi nudges the shack door open, one hand on the hilt of a blade as it creaks on its weary hinges, the sound loud in the empty hillside. His sharp gaze cuts through the gloom and when he deems it safe, he looks back and gestures Eren inside. Eren follows him into the dark, spotting a low firepit in the middle of the room surrounded by cracked brick. Levi drops his bags against the wall and gets to work filling it with leftover wood gathered in the back corner, and Eren sets his own bags down nearby before taking a look around. There’s not much to see, no shelves or beds or anything of the like. The walls are weather worn and aged, a few cracks and small gaps here and there, but still sealed enough to hopefully keep out most of the oncoming rain. The tree nestled up against the outside will help.

Levi strikes a flint and gets the firepit lit. Eren’s gaze shifts as he squints, eyes adjusting to the light while he steps closer to take in some of the heat. He still runs hot, but with the weather changing outside, it feels nice. Levi shifts his gear as he takes a seat in front of the fire, dragging their food bag over and digging the last of the bread out. Eren takes a seat next to him, this time with five inches between them instead of two feet. Levi tears the last of the bread down the middle and turns to hand it to him, pausing briefly at their proximity. Eren feels his face start to flush even though it’s such a small thing, taking away some of the distance. He catches Levi’s tiny smirk and takes the bread, taking a huge bite, giving himself something else to focus on while he looks back into the flames licking at the wood.

The shack is quiet after that, just the sound of him and Levi eating a couple more rations from the bag, settling in to the low crackle and murmur of the fire. The rain starts up around then, just a light patter against the roof that echoes in the small space. Eren glances up as he swallows his last bite, frowning a little. It might be hard to sleep if the rain picks up. It’s not hard to imagine the battle cacophony it could turn into.

He glances over at Levi, frown spreading further. 

Levi doesn’t sleep much, but Eren would at least like it if when he did it didn’t sound like a hail of Marley’s bullets firing on the roof.

They pass the time in comfortable silence, the fire crackling low and quiet. Levi puts more wood on and Eren eventually lays back, using one of the bags as a rough pillow as he stares up at the shadows dancing across the ceiling. The boards are keeping the rain out, fortunately, though there’s a tiny puddle starting over near one of the cracks by the base of the tree nestled outside.

Eren pulls his gaze from it over to Levi, watching his firelit profile. He can see the edge of both scars that run across his cheek, the angle making them disappear below the curve of it. Eren knows one of the scars cuts down across Levi’s lips. He remembers how it felt pressed to his own during the last kiss and the one before it, and it makes him warm all over, raising a hand and touching his mouth. Levi’s eyes slant his way and Eren blinks, face heating. But he doesn’t pull his hand away and Levi’s lips curl up, just a tiny bit at the corner, the smile mostly in his eyes. It stuns Eren for a moment. He feels his own curve up, feeling young and stupid and in love. Is this what it’s supposed to feel like? A fire burning in his chest and his heartbeat quickened like a rabbit running through the underbrush, feeling both like the hunter and the hunted, predator and prey. He likes the feeling, wants to hunt Levi and be hunted by him.

Eren’s eyes gradually drift closed at some point. He sinks down into a doze with that feeling, the small smile still on his face.

\--

Eren’s eyes open. He takes in the ceiling, the flames lower than when he was last awake, the shadows longer, dimmer. He glances over to where Levi’s still sitting, sees tension in the line of his shoulder. He drops his gaze lower and finds Levi’s hand resting on one of his swords. “What is it?” Eren whispers, keeping his voice soft below a crackle in the fire.

Levi’s silent for a beat, two, then, “We were followed,” he answers, his voice just as quiet, reaching forward to push some dirt onto the flame. It sputters out and takes the light with it, smoke drifting up to the ceiling.

Eren slowly sits up in the dark, eyes adjusting before shifting to the door as he focuses on his hearing. He can’t hear anything, but Levi’s instincts have never been wrong. Besides, they traveled through Marley; he’s probably been expecting this. Eren was more surprised they weren’t jumped on their way through. Instead, whoever is out there waited until a few hours past nightfall at least, following them like a snake in the grass.

Eren shifts up onto his knees, pulling the knife out of his pocket and glancing where he knows Levi is. He feels a light tap on his forearm and gets up, following the faint rustle of Levi’s cloak to the door. Their steps are silent, the wood just damp enough to not creak under their weight. Eren pauses when he catches the darker shape of Levi stopping, hand settling on the bar keeping the door shut. Levi shifts like he’s looking back, and Eren nods even though he’s not sure if Levi can see it. The wood bar scrapes the door as its jerked up and Levi shoves out in quick succession, Eren on his heels.

Levi jerks to a stop, scanning the area, the damp grass and gloom around them. Eren sees them then, black silhouettes approaching in the night. The soft glow from the clouds illuminates them enough to see by the closer they get.

Five men, two with guns pointed at them and the rest with butcher knives, one with a pitchfork. They’re all hostile, but the one with the gun in Eren’s face looks near feral, eyes wide and focused on Eren’s.

“There it is,” the man whispers, and the words make Eren pause. He becomes acutely aware of the dead giveaway of his fragmented eyes, fingers curling tight around the knife in his hand at the next, “_Kill it_.”

They all move and so does Levi. The gun in front of Eren goes off but Levi’s already knocked it upwards with a sword, the _bang_ a deafening echo in the gloom. Eren rushes the man while he’s off balance and Levi spins left, drawing his second blade as he goes for the other shooter. Eren stabs the first in the neck, pulls his knife out in an upward slice and feels the blood spray hit his skin and soak him with the rain as he spins right, dodging a clumsy knife jab before giving his own efficient stab. He remembers Cadet training, of all things, of Annie telling him learning to knife fight was pointless, and then he remembers Levi teaching him anyway in the quiet hours before dawn when Eren couldn’t sleep and Levi had already long since been awake-

A blade digs into his neck, sharp and violent, and Eren freezes in surprise, brain trying to catch up with a blade sinking into his neck and no one in front of him.

_Behind_, he thinks wildly, _There were six_.

Eren jerks around on instinct, feels the knife slice across his throat and stabs forward, wide eyes meeting the outraged ones of his attacker. They both choke on red; the man falls first, then Eren, knife tumbling from his shaky grip. His hands move up, grab at his throat and the gouge where his neck meets his shoulder as warmth gushes over them. _Better the front than the back_, Eren thinks distantly as his knees hit wet grass and mud and he chokes, lists sideways until his side hits the ground and the rain patters his face, drenched bangs snaking wet on his cheeks as he coughs warmth up the back of his throat, copper in his mouth and steam fluttering up to dark clouds. He hears Levi shout, the sound raw and furious, then bodies joining Eren’s on the ground. There are wet steps and then black in his periphery, Levi kneeling as hands lift and pull. 

Eren chokes again, grips his throat tighter until Levi’s hands pry his away. There’s a brief moment where all Levi does is stare. Then his hands are gripping hard where Eren’s had, dark cloak blocking Eren’s view of the shack.

“_Eren!_” Levi snaps, an order.

Eren’s eyes dart up, can fuzzily make out Levi’s face in the shadows, eyes wide and- Angry? Scared? Has Eren ever seen him scared, or only heard it? He tries to talk but all he does is choke on more of his own blood, lungs struggling to breathe through it as it clings to his airways and tries to drown him. He makes himself cough and spits it out onto the grass. Warmth hit his lips and chin and cheek but he keeps doing it until the steam starts to fade and he can breathe a little clearer, gagging on the taste and smell.

“_Eren_,” Levi says, voice hard and grip on his neck harder.

Eren forces his eyes open from where they’d fluttered closed, takes in a wet breath. “_Levi_,” he finally manages to get out, wet and rough.

Levi lets out a harsh breath and slowly lifts his hand to check the wound, smearing the blood away from Eren’s smooth skin in the rain. The steam stops and Eren coughs again, rolling onto his side off of Levi’s lap to the damp earth to hack and spit out the blood still trapped in his lungs, mouth, throat. He pushes up onto his hands and knees just as his body gives the start of a heave and Eren lets it come, throws up the blood in his chest and stomach. He pulls in a huge, ragged gasp like he’s taking his first breath, the clearest one he’s managed so far.

He’d never considered it, that he could choke on his own blood. Would that kill him where a stab to the heart can’t?

Eren forces the thought away and his eyes dart around to check their surroundings. All of the men are dead, a few missing limbs and one definitely missing his head, if the round mound off in the dark is any indication. Eren’s arms start trembling, then the rest of his body. He frowns down at the ground, bangs hanging wet and limp in his vision, some still plastered to his cheeks. He’d been too shocked to notice, but...he was terrified, wasn’t he?

He pushes himself back onto his knees, takes in a shaky breath as he wipes at his mouth and looks over. Levi’s still staring at him, eyes still a little wide and something like shock on his face. But then he seems to jolt out of it, glaring hard at Eren. He reaches forward as he stands, grabbing the front of Eren’s shirt and dragging him roughly up and back to the shack. Eren stumbles heavily after him, sees Levi checking around for anymore threats and deciding there’s none while Eren tries to get his legs to work, breath quick as the rain tries to wash the blood away, red tinted water soaking his shirt.

Eren’s barely aware of the door slamming shut, of Levi leaving him just long enough to start the fire back up and then he’s back, shoving him up against the wall. Eren’s back grinds into the wood and Levi glares at him- no, not at him, his neck. He stares at it with an intensity Eren’s not used to having aimed at him, the kind Levi used on titans and bureaucratic bullshit he was forced to sit through. Levi lifts the hand not twisted in the front of Eren’s shirt and draws his fingers deceptively light down the side of Eren’s neck, so light it sends a shudder through him and makes him tilt his head to the side. Levi presses his hand there, grips the spot that’d been open and bleeding minutes earlier and then that gaze flicks up to him, hard and angry and-

_Levi was scared_, Eren realizes.

Levi surges forward, quick as using his gear in the air, and their mouths crash together before Eren can process it, Levi’s hard and demanding, teeth painful through the soft skin. Eren makes a sound in his throat, hands finding Levi’s shoulders and curling tight into his cloak. It just makes Levi kiss him harder, and it hurts; their teeth still trying to bite through their lips and Levi pushing him into the wall like he wants to eat him alive or kill him himself, like _he’s_ the titan of the two of them. Eren makes another rough sound, tugs at Levi’s cape, pulls, hears it hit the floor just before his shaking knees buckle and they hit the floor too. Levi follows him down without hesitation, keeps pressing him back against the wall as he moves in close, kneeling between Eren’s thighs. His grip hurts, holds Eren’s neck like he’s still trying to keep the wound closed even though he had to have felt it seal. The other hand pulls at his bloody shirt, yanks it up. Eren quickly shakes his jacket off so he can throw his arms up, Levi barely breaking devouring his mouth long enough to get it off and roughly tossed away with a sharp, angry sound.

Eren shudders, the heat from the fire distant but it still feels hot against his cold skin. His fingers scramble blindly at Levi’s shoulders, his arms, dig into the muscles beneath his uniform, too distracted with his heart pounding in his ears and Levi’s mouth dominating his own to figure out what he wants to do with them. Levi presses closer, shoves him back harder. Some faint, distant part of Eren wonders if the wood is going to crack before every thought in his head cuts off at the quick, smooth slide of Levi’s palm down the center of his chest and stomach, shoving down past the edge of his pants and taking him in his hand. Eren sucks in a sharp gasp as fingers wrap around his cock, shove the edge of his pants down below it. Levi takes advantage of his parting lips to press his tongue into his mouth, Eren making a ragged sound around it. His hips jerk on their own as arousal lights up his spine like a firework and Levi doesn’t waste time, starts stroking him quick and hard and sending Eren’s thoughts skittering in a frenzy. It almost hurts, how hard Levi’s gripping, but it also makes Eren’s eyes squeeze shut, has him groaning so hard and loud he doesn’t realize it’s his own voice for a minute.

Levi grunts into the kiss, if it could even be called a kiss. Eren finally cracks his eyes open enough to look at him and finds Levi already staring back. Maybe it should be creepy, but it just makes Eren’s cock harder, makes him groan again as his hips jerk up into Levi’s hand.

Levi presses impossibly closer, chest to chest, gear and cold wet uniform digging into Eren’s overheating skin as Levi finally pulls his head back and lets Eren breathe. Eren shudders. Levi’s other hand finds his jaw and holds it, keeps Eren’s head pressed back to the wall as he strokes faster, Eren’s pants quick and ragged between them, heart thundering to match the rain outside and chest heaving, pressing more into Levi’s with every breath. Levi just watches him, gaze hard and angry and ravenous, and Eren swallows. “_Levi_-” he moans as he rocks his hips, the sound cutting off into a rough groan as his eyes slip shut on a hard twist of Levi’s hand at the head, pleasure shooting straight up his spine and making his cock leak. Levi’s hand on his jaw shifts, a thumb pressing hard to the corner of his mouth, forcing Eren’s eyes open and his attention back.

“_Focus on me_,” Levi orders hard and low. It’s an order, one that sends a shudder straight down Eren’s spine and right to the heat between his thighs. Eren sucks in a breath, turns his head just enough to catch Levi’s thumb between his lips and bites at it, keeps rocking his hips up to meet every downward tug of Levi’s hand. He grips at Levi’s arms, pleasure and arousal shuddering out through all his limbs. Levi’s pupils are black, blacker than the pitch of his cape somehow and Eren gets lost in them, at how close Levi’s eyes are to his, can just see the ring of grey-blue around the perimeter as Eren pants and gasps around the thumb in his mouth, heart beating so hard he’s almost afraid it will gallop right out of his chest.

Levi’s hand speeds up when Eren didn’t think it could, and he can feel a cliff coming, feels himself careening right towards it. He grips at Levi tighter, harder, moans and pants picking up speed and volume as he tries to pull Levi in even closer, hips jerking erratically. “Levi, _Levi_,” Eren groans roughly between breaths, struggling to keep his hazy eyes open and follow the order as the pleasure floods him, makes him feel hot-cold all over and ready to burst-

Levi pulls his thumb out of Eren’s mouth, twists his hand at the head one more time and Eren flies, eyes crashing shut and head shoving back as he comes. He’s not sure if he screams or shouts, isn’t sure if he leaves bruises on Levi’s arms or where his cum ends up. He just feels the rough, damp wood of the shack digging into his back and shoulders, feels Levi’s calloused hand hard on the sensitive skin his cock, and feels his body go taut all over. He’s barely aware of the way it stills and freezes as the pleasure and euphoria crash over and pull him under, flood every sense, taste and smell and touch until all he is is a white blank, a sea of nothing but endless, rolling waves that leave his breaths shaky.

Eren slowly comes back to himself, senses tuning back in. He can smell first: damp sex in the air, Levi’s breath, his scent, Levi everywhere, and then there’s touch. Eren finds himself slouched between Levi and the wall, breathing like he ran around all of Wall Sina. He’s almost surprised he doesn’t see any steam billowing out of his mouth from his body trying to recover from the strain, is half convinced there should be. Levi’s hands are still on him, he finally notices, on his jaw and cock. He’s panting too, Eren can finally hear it, can feel it puff hot against his mouth like Levi’s crossed the ocean again to find him.

Eren blinks slowly, drags his head up and Levi’s hard gaze is still there, just as intense, less scared but- somehow it’s worse, because it’s terror now, the kind that runs deep, that shakes you, makes you want to scream and shout and lash out. Eren shudders a little and reaches up, grabs Levi’s jaw and tugs him forward to try and kiss it away, not as hard as Levi had him, but hard enough. 

It takes a second for Levi to respond, but then he’s there, with Eren, tilting his head to make the kiss deeper, his jaw moving under Eren’s palm. Eren slides his other hand down Levi’s front, finds the hard bulge in his pants and pushes forward; feels a sudden desperation of his own, different from before as he struggles to get straps open and undone. He shoves Levi’s pants down just enough to get his cock free and his hand around it, stroking before Eren can even really think about it. He has no experience touching another person, doesn’t even know what Levi likes, but Levi makes a rough sound in his mouth, almost pained and presses forward, pushing Eren back against the wall again as he spreads his knees, forcing Eren to stretch his open wider.

Eren kisses him, kisses and kisses and kisses him and still feels like he’s drowning even though he’s pulling in air, even though they’re both here, alive. Levi’s hips jerk against the side of his hand, sharp and pointed, and Eren strokes faster, tightens his grip and twists like Levi had on him. Levi grips Eren’s jaw tight, the side of his neck, and then he’s pressing so close Eren can feel the way his body moves against his own, stomachs pressed and rubbing with every roll, uniform brushing against his own sensitive cock. Eren groans with a shudder at the sensation and keeps going, lets the desperation guide his hand as he swallows every groan and grunt from Levi’s mouth like he’s starving for them.

Levi stills against him a couple minutes later, sucks in a sharp gasp between their mouths and grunts roughly as he comes. Eren feels the heat of it hit his hand and stomach, mix with his own mess and slide down his skin, into the dips and curves of his muscles. He breaks the kiss, pulls his head back just enough to look at Levi, lips aching and swollen. Levi just stays there, eyes closed and breathing heavily against his mouth, trying to catch his breath. His eyes open a few seconds later, the grey in one hazy until it slowly focuses up on Eren’s face.

Eren swallows at the intensity, can practically feel it come back and pin him in place. Levi’s lips press flat together, jaw tightening, but the hold on Eren’s jaw eases up, Levi’s other hand coming to rest on his hip, gripping just a bit. They stare at one another in the low firelight, each trying to catch their breath.

Finally, Levi says, voice low and tone hard, “You’re not allowed to die yet.”

Eren feels a flash of guilt then, for being caught unaware, for nearly getting his head sliced off. He only remembers the last time it’d happened in flashes: the girl staring down the sight of a gun, the sound of the shot, his vision spinning, and then it’s just Before and the Paths. 

...But Levi was there, even though Eren hadn’t known; Levi saw him die, and tonight, he thought it was happening all over again.

Eren swallows and tries to pull Levi closer, his own lips pressing into a flat line. He nods once, a sharp jerk. The intensity in Levi’s gaze slowly, gradually lessens, though never fully leaves. The hand on Eren’s jaw slides down his neck again, holding the spot where the wound was. Levi’s eyes flick down to it, unreadable for a beat before he looks back up and leans in, pressing their mouths firmly together. Eren’s eyes close as he returns the kiss, heart pounding again. This kiss is a kiss, lighter and gentler than the devouring desperation and starving confirmation of life it’d been earlier; maybe that’s why it twists the guilt in Eren’s chest sharper, makes him feel more determined. He doesn’t want to lose this, what he has with Levi, whatever time he has left with him. He won’t lose this, Eren vows, and he won’t make Levi feel like he’s lost it again either. 

Never again.

\--

They step back out into the rain. Eren can smell the bodies, the familiar stench of death beneath the damp dousing of the downpour. He tries to ignore it, pushing his bangs back with his hands as he lifts his face toward the sky. He tries to scrub the blood off of him. There’s not as much on him as he found on Levi. 

Eren lowers his head and looks over at him.

Levi’s at the edge of the firelight stretching out into the night, standing just outside of its lingering reach, the fire burning strong back in the shack now. Eren watches him pull his gear off, keeping it near his feet and pulling his uniform top off next, his muscles shifting beneath pale skin as he starts scrubbing off the mess. Eren starts doing the same with his stomach, shoving his boots and pants off to try and get rid of the rest on himself, but he can’t help staring.

Levi is covered in scars. It’s nothing new, nothing Eren hasn’t seen before, but like everything, it takes on a new edge now that they’ve been intimate, are intimate. Eren has wondered before where they come from, had wondered when he was older and more knowledgeable which ones were from titans and which ones were from humans. He’d asked once, when he was still naive, and Levi had just looked at him. His gaze had made Eren pause, the darkness lurking at the edges making Eren feel both like he shouldn’t have asked and yet more curious, endlessly curious. The tension had broke when Levi had told him to move his ass and get out of the shower, but Eren had never really stopped wondering. 

He could ask now, Eren realizes, and Levi might actually tell him, but Eren’s not sure if he wants to ask anymore. Now, especially, he probably shouldn’t. But...is he allowed to touch?

He walks over without really thinking, the thought small and simple at first but it grows with each step closer he takes, discarding his shirt with his pants and boots on the ground. He sees Levi’s shoulders tense as he approaches, aware of him, but he doesn’t stop scrubbing at his uniform shirt. Eren stops behind him, his shadow just hiding Levi further in the darkness, and something about that grips Eren’s chest, squeezes it tight, and his hesitation melts away, reaching out like he’s afraid Levi will disappear into the dark, or maybe that he himself will. Eren wraps his arms around Levi from behind, both arms across his collarbones, face pressing into the back of Levi’s hair. Levi freezes, goes deathly still beneath him, and Eren squeezes just a little tighter, a rough breath rushing out of him that doesn’t feel like relief.

Slowly, the tension bleeds out of Levi, his face still turned away and his motions still. “What is it, brat?” he asks quietly, voice mingling with the rain, but there’s no heat in it, no reprimand, and Eren’s eyes squeeze shut, cheek sliding down against the back of Levi’s wet head, shorn underside rubbing against his chin.

“I don’t know,” Eren whispers back near Levi’s ear, so he can hear. A tiny shudder runs through Levi, Eren only picking up on it because his chest is pressed flat to Levi’s back, but it makes him shudder too, a ripple effect in the rain. Levi’s back is cold, but it’s starting to warm now the longer Eren presses them together.

He hears Levi sigh quietly, almost a scoff, and then a hand reaches up and grips his forearm. Eren thinks Levi is going to remove it, tell him to move his ass like he had years ago, but he just holds on, even gives it a squeeze.

“Ridiculous,” Levi says, but there’s still no heat, no anger. It’s just an observation between two tired soldiers in the rain, one wishing the world would stop, just this once, just so he can hold onto Levi for a little longer, and the other wishing time would stop, end forever, so the feeling of warm arms around him would never leave.


	9. Crossing

The fire is still burning when they leave the shack half an hour later, a potential distraction for anyone else who might be following. Levi doesn’t want to stay, doesn’t trust that more people won’t come, and Eren doesn’t argue. He grabs his share of the bags and follows Levi out into the light drizzle that the downpour has become, his own clothes still damp and his hair drying. He glances back at the dark shapes of the bodies still littering the ground, feels like they’ll surge up and come after him. He forces his eyes forward and trudges up the hill after Levi, even though it feels like they’re watching him every step of the way, waiting, _waiting_.

Eren’s body is tired, aching in a bone deep way from lack of sleep. Neither of them have been sleeping much since they left the house near Trost, Levi especially. Eren watches his back, the tension in it and feels useless, helpless, racking his brain for something he can do. They can’t keep pushing like this. Even Levi, with as little sleep he gets, can’t keep pushing like this.

Eren’s thoughts come back to the Warhammer Titan. It’s his most convenient powerhouse, but it expends the most energy. He’ll be too worn out to keep walking in his current state if he uses it too much, but maybe he can at least make a shelter of some kind, either in a hillside or mountain where they can burrow into the dark and get some actual rest. It’s still night out now, and while they aren’t too far away from Marley, Eren takes a breath and opens his mouth, “We need rest.”

Levi grunts quietly but doesn’t look back. “Where do you suggest?” he asks dark and dry, “Just because only six showed up doesn’t mean more won’t come looking for them. We’re too close. Keep walking.”

Right, and Eren knows that, but- “We won’t be able to do much if we both collapse from exhaustion. I can make a haven.”

Levi stops and turns around, making Eren stop too. Levi stares at him hard. “Can you make it without fainting?” he demands.

Eren blows out a harsh breath, brows furrowing. “I don’t know, but if we keep going I’ll drop anyway.” He holds Levi’s stare, not backing down even though they both know that if Levi decides to keep going, Eren will follow him.

Levi looks past him after a minute, out at the sloping hills and the small glow from the shack still visible in the distance, a cool breeze ruffling his inky bangs. Marley is spread out beyond on the horizon, a dark, foreboding shape like some beast ready to rise out of the ocean and devour them both, maybe even the entire hillside too. Levi’s lips flatten as his own brows furrow, looking like someone’s pissed in his tea. His gaze drops back to Eren, still frowning. “We’ll walk until dawn, then do it.”

Eren’s shoulders slump in relief. He nods, grip tightening around one of the bag straps. Levi turns and keeps walking up the hill, back still tense and looking like an angry wet cat. 

Eren might pass out using the Warhammer abilities, but he can’t help looking forward to it. At least then they’ll have somewhere safe to rest, and they’ll both be able to get some sleep.

\--

True to his word, Levi stops once the sun starts cresting the horizon. He scans the area, then drags Eren out another mile before finding a tall, sloping hill with an abundance of trees and greenery surrounding the base. Eren focuses on a spot behind the cluster, gives it a _push_ and tunnels into the rock. 

He starts panting halfway through, but keeps pushing, tunneling deeper into the dark until it feels deep enough. He makes a crude cavern inside, tall enough to stand up in and wide enough to sprawl if he feels like it. After, he makes a small tunnel straight up until he can see sunlight, just a few inches wide for air and something to see and hear by. 

Eren’s swaying on his feet when he’s finished, has barely enough thought left to cover the huge hole at their backs before he’s falling. Arms catch him and he feels a sigh against his cheekbone, and then he’s gone.

\--

Eren blinks his eyes open. He sees the soft glow of titan crystal first, finds it covering the ceiling. His brows twitch together as he tries to figure out why it’s there and where he is, feels a lick of fear when he remembers the Reiss cave- And then he remembers. Something shifts against his shoulder, warm breath ghosting across the side of his neck and he stills, eyes slanting over though he doesn’t dare turn his head.

Levi’s pressed against his side, Eren’s arm trapped between them and Levi’s head resting on his shoulder. It’s almost romantic, until Eren remembers how small he’d made the cavern. He feels just a little disappointed as he lets out a slow breath, but can’t help his lips twitching wryly up at himself. 

He remembers the blade digging into his neck then, tearing through his throat like butchered cattle, the feel of Levi’s hands and mouth and frantic breaths against his skin afterwards, the heat of him, Levi’s desperation, of the fire burning him alive. 

Eren’s small smile fades and he resists pressing closer. Levi needs the rest.

Eren stays still, eyes eventually wandering up until he can see the light coming from the hole he’d punched into the makeshift ceiling, feet above their heads. It looks like the sun is setting, if he had to guess based on the deeper gold and barest hint of purple he catches. He can’t imagine Levi having slept the day away, but Eren did. He frowns to himself, feels a kick of guilt, but then Levi’s warm breath ghosts against the side of his neck again and it melts away. They needed rest, both of them, more than they were getting. At least now if there’s trouble when they come out, they can fight it off and Eren can get them away if he needs to.

Levi sleeps for another half hour before Eren feels him stir. It’s barely any movement, but given the stillness since he woke, Eren can tell the difference. Levi’s breathing shifts against his neck, becomes a little quicker, and there’s the faint click of a swallow near his ear as Levi wets his mouth.

“Evening, Captain,” Eren says as seriously as he can. Levi knees him in the hip and Eren grunts out a breathy laugh.

“‘Bout time you woke up,” Levi gripes, pulling away and stretching against Eren’s numb arm. Eren shrugs even though Levi can’t see, finally letting himself sit up and get his blood circulating. His bladder protests, but he’s become a professional at ignoring it after years out in the field. He watches Levi stand, check up through the hole and then listen for a solid two minutes before looking over and ordering, “Open it.”

Eren shatters the hole he’d sealed after grabbing some bags and they cautiously venture out, eyes darting around and ears open for any sign of trouble. There isn’t any, but neither of them relax. Eren reseals the hole behind the bushes and they both relieve themselves before they start walking, heading towards the setting sun. 

“Where are we going?” Eren eventually asks, listening to the soft rustle of grass and bushes beneath his feet, against his ankles. They can’t stay in Marley, but he doesn’t have much knowledge of the other continents.

“Hizuru,” Levi answers, and Eren pauses briefly before he starts walking again. “There’s a boat waiting,” Levi continues into the silence, “They’re giving us a week to get there.”

So that’s part of why Levi is pushing.

Eren’s brows furrow, trying to connect the dots, and then it clicks. His gaze darts from where it’d wandered down to the ground up to Levi’s gold-lit profile. “Mikasa?” Eren asks. Levi nods and Eren sighs.

“Hange has already made a deal for resources from the island,” Levi confirms his suspicions, finally glancing back at him, “Mikasa will meet us there.” 

_That’s what Levi and Hange were discussing when we left_, Eren realizes, frowning again, getting to the pier, to Marley, then to Hizuru. 

Eren watches Levi watch him before Levi’s gaze turns forward again. Eren’s grip tightens on a bag strap. “She’s giving up everything, too,” Eren states quietly, eyes searching Levi’s profile, “And Armin?”

“Armin is staying on Paradis with Hange,” Levi answers, brows lowering, “They’re both still looking for a cure.”

Eren is quiet at that, looking away. He isn’t holding out hope for one. If it happens, he’ll take it and be glad for it, but he’s operating on the assumption that there won’t be one, which just makes Levi being here with him ache all over again. The thought of Mikasa going to Hizuru, too, signing her life away from him when he won’t even live that long. 

Eren looks back to Levi, but his expression is as neutral as it usually is, and Eren can’t see enough of his good eye to tell what he’s thinking. He opens his mouth- closes it, then tries again, “Do you think they’ll find one?” He immediately hates himself for asking and wants to take the words back, but they’re out in the open now and his idiotic mouth has landed him in shit of his own making again. He’s used to that by now, at least.

Levi is quiet as they walk, doesn’t say anything for a minute, two, then, “I don’t know.” It’s Eren’s turn to remain quiet. It isn’t a yes or a no, not that he was expecting one. He opens his mouth again, not sure what he’s going to say or ask next- “It doesn’t matter,” Levi cuts him off before he can start, finally looking back at him again. Levi’s expression is still calm and neutral, but his eye is focused, decisive. “Quit asking stupid questions.”

Eren jerks back faintly, blinking, then blows out a breath, picking up his pace a bit so they’re walking side by side. Levi frowns over at him, wary, and Eren just looks back, a small smile tugging up the corners of his lips despite all the tension and conversation subject.

Eren reaches over and grips Levi’s forearm for a moment before letting go, trying to say what he can’t in words. Levi keeps frowning at him like he’s expecting Eren to say or do something stupid, but after a moment when he realizes Eren isn’t going to, his gaze lessens before it shifts forward again, focusing on cutting their path through the forest.

_I love you_, Eren wants to say, watching the way the sunset paints Levi’s skin, makes his eyes shine, both of them. Eren isn’t sure what expression he makes, whether it’s warm, pained, or both, but he’s glad Levi isn’t looking at him to see it. It hurts too much, even if it’s for the one he cares about. Maybe because it is.

\--

They walk on for a few more hours before stopping to sleep for two. They don’t make a fire this time and eat less than they have been, their rations running low. Eren’s stomach complains as the sun rises in the morning, but he keeps walking, lips twisting when he hears even Levi’s give a low, grumbling complaint. Eren tries to find things to eat while they walk, berries or nuts of some kind. He finds some, but not enough to be more than a shared snack between them. Still, it’s better than nothing, and they conserve as much as they can.

Fortunately, they find the ocean shore again the next evening, a few hours after they’ve split the last of their food. Unfortunately, there’s a small town nestled up against it, ships of varying sizes docked against the steep cliffs, which means people.

Levi stops them at the edge of the forest, glancing back. Eren takes a breath, gaze searching his before he does something impulsive, enough that he catches Levi’s eyes widening and his body giving an aborted jerk just before Eren’s fingers fly up to his own eyes. The pain stings, sharp and aching as he gouges in deep, gritting his teeth against the pain and tug and rush of warmth down his face. But it’s not a new feeling. He’s lost his eyes before, his arms and legs, and he can regenerate them later. This is necessary.

The thought buoys him when he hears Levi make a sound, something not quite a grunt, more like an animal groaning between its teeth. And then there are hands on his wrists, yanking his arms away and his eyes with it. Eren forces himself not to heal, breathing through his own teeth through the pain. He feels Levi’s fingers move quickly over his face, cloth joining before eventually wrapping around his head once, twice after the bleeding’s stopped.

“_Idiot_,” Levi growls low.

Eren’s lips twitch faintly through the pain and he shakes his head a little, immediately stopping when it just makes the growing pain in his head hurt worse. “They’re too obvious. I’ll grow them back once we’re on the boat.” He could have just bandaged them, but if the cloth somehow ended up removed they’d be in more danger. It’s a gamble, and a condition: _get me to the boat and I’ll heal_. He can’t see Levi’s face, but he can practically feel his disapproving frown.

“Let’s go,” Levi orders. Eren feels his hood pulled up over his head and then calloused fingers wrapping around his wrist, tugging him forward. Eren stumbles briefly but follows, leaving his green eyes discarded back in the bushes.

He hears noises first, people chittering like the evening birds the closer they get to the town, discussing prices or ocean hauls. There’s _clanks_ and _thunks_, glass and crates, the beat of hooves on the dirt road and then sharper on cobblestone. Levi’s grip stays around Eren’s wrist, pulling him along like a child. Eren never quite bumps into things, but he feels them brush by with the shift of his cloak at his sides, against his arms, trying to follow the way he can feel Levi weaving from the shift of his hand on Eren’s wrist. No one tries to stop them, though Eren feels eyes on them, the slow creeping prickle of someone’s attention, the heat of a stranger’s lingering gaze. Eren keeps his head down and tries not to shrink in on himself as they make their way through, ignoring the grumble of his stomach at the smell of nearby foods and pastries wafting warm and fresh into his face to instead focus on the growing smell of the sea. 

Eren can nearly taste the salt on his tongue by the time they stop again. He wants to ask why they’ve stopped, ask Levi what he sees, but he bites his tongue and keeps his mouth shut, trying to avoid drawing any more attention. Levi gives his hand another tug and they start walking left. Eren tries to listen for any commotion or trouble, but all he hears is the creak of vast wood and Gulls crying out in the sky, the slosh where cliff meets sea. Levi guides him down a decline, keeping his pace somewhere between sedate and in a hurry. They reach even ground again and Eren turns his hand, giving Levi’s wrist a squeeze. Levi pauses, shifts, probably glances back at him. He gives Eren’s wrist a squeeze in return and keeps walking, the sound of wood creaking quietly under their boots.

They go up a ramp this time, Eren led around some kind of corner, and then Levi stops, grip tightening. It feels more like a warning this time, the touch stiffer, somehow. Eren marvels briefly at the difference before he hears Levi talking, “Go.” Eren tenses faintly, thinks Levi means him for a second, but then he hears:

“As you wish, Captain.” The voice isn’t Lady Kiyomi’s, but the man’s accent sounds similar. “This way.”

Steps pass them. Levi tugs Eren after them, another set behind him. They go down another decline and then back onto flat ground. The ship rocks a bit as it starts moving from the dock and Eren stumbles, stilling at the unfamiliar hand on his shoulder. The grip different from Levi’s, the size of the hand bigger. Levi growls a low sound and the hand disappears, tugging faintly at Eren’s cloaked shoulder in the process. He swallows and they keep walking, Levi tugging Eren close enough he picks up on hints of his body heat, the fact that Levi is keeping him from being too close to the person guiding them or the one at the rear. They eventually stop, a door clicking shut behind them after a pause. Levi doesn’t let his wrist go, but Eren hears him shift. “Heal yourself,” Levi orders low.

Eren hesitates briefly, weighing the pros and cons, but he trusts Levi, so ultimately, he does, closing his eyes. Eren unwinds the makeshift bandage after he’s done, slipping it off and slowly blinking his eyes open. The blurry world gradually resolves into a heavily scowling Levi, warm light from the lanterns on the walls painting him in soft colors that don’t dull his sharp edges. All that intensity is focused right on Eren’s face, Levi’s gaze shifting between his own, gauging. He leans back once he’s seemingly satisfied and Eren’s heart beats harder in his chest, has been since that stranger touched his shoulder. But now he feels...stupidly warm.

Levi releases his wrist and Eren mourns the loss. He follows Levi over to the long, covered window running the near-whole length of the opposite wall, peeking with him out at the dark, rolling blue waves of the ocean.

“What’s next?” Eren asks quietly, almost a whisper, and there’s trepidation in his voice, but...something that wants to be excitement, too. He’s never been this far away from Paradis. He only wishes Armin could be here to experience it too. Who knows, maybe he will someday. He has more time than Eren to do it.

“We’ll dock at Hizuru. Mikasa will meet us there in a few days,” Levi answers just as quietly, dragging his gaze from the water to look over at him, “If it all goes according to plan, she’ll only be a day’s ride behind us.” Levi doesn’t sound hopeful, and Eren isn’t either, but he tries to keep the worry twisting in his chest to a minimum.

Levi moves away from the window and starts searching the room, just to be cautious, and Eren joins him, even tidying a few things along the way. The familiar movements with the foreign furniture helps settle him a little, and at some point, he gets lost gazing at a dragon embroidered in the upholstery, wondering what kind of place Hizuru is. 

The sound of Levi moving behind him draws Eren’s attention back. Levi take a seat on the identical couch on the opposite end of the room, tension still held like a tightly coiled spring in every line of him. Eren walks over and takes a seat next to him, three inches of space between them. 

“They want the Founding Titan in Hizuru?” Eren eventually asks, keeping his voice down even though they checked the room. That’s no guarantee that the walls don’t have ears.

Levi glances over at him, then towards the covered window, warm light reflecting in the corner of the white of his eye. “They never stated it outright, but it’s a power play. Insurance. Better to have it in their hands, even if they never use it, than on the island that may or may not kick them out again.” Eren absorbs that, attention drawn back when Levi continues, “Mikasa is coming to ensure they don’t use it.” _Use you_, Levi doesn’t say, but Eren can hear it in the hard tone of his voice, see it in the tightening line of his jaw.

Eren just looks at him for a long moment, taking him in, the black of his uniform and cloak, the pitch, pointed ink of his hair, the pale tone of his skin and the scars that cut down across it. Levi looks back. Eren leans forward without really thinking about it, like all the other times, and kisses him. Levi is still beneath him for a beat and then he returns it a little stiffly, still too wary of their surroundings to relax into it. Eren pulls back and they look at one another, Eren’s heartbeat picked up in his chest and warm all over again. His gaze softens. Levi swallows and looks away. Eren can’t help the corners of his lips twitching up, just a little. Part of him wants to tease Levi, but mostly he’s just...glad he’s here, for all that it makes Eren ache, too.

Eren reaches over after a minute and settles his hand next to Levi’s on the couch, the sides brushing, then slowly...moves a couple fingers to lay them over a couple of Levi’s, brushing the nubs of the ones missing. Levi doesn’t look at him again, but his own fingers curl a little beneath Eren’s, and it says more than his words ever could.


	10. You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mood music, especially for the latter half; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C25LySsyGe4 - “Jeremy Soule (The Northerner Diaries) - Njol [Extended, 90 Min.]"
> 
> I know it's been a while. This is partly dedicated to Stringlish, shittyfoureyes, and Flamoria, who encourage me a lot every chapter, and I know shittyfoureyes in particular has been waiting very patiently for an update. XD Sorry it's so short this time, but I hope you guys like it. <3 Thank you everyone for waiting. I hope the coming year is good to you. <3

“_Levi!_” Eren shouts, laughter on the wind as he gallops past on gold-flooded grass. 

Levi’s head slowly turns to watch him pass by the fence, lips twitching up at the wide stretch of Eren’s smile, despite his wariness. 

They made it to Hizuru two days ago, were joined by Mikasa yesterday, and then swiftly escorted in the night like spirits secreted away out to the countryside. The hills are rolling, surrounded by trees. There’s a house here, a barn, a well, plumbing, and not much else, only what’s needed. It’s secluded and quiet, much like the house near Trost had been. Maybe that’s why Levi is so on edge.

His gaze shifts from Eren to the trees lining the property in a wide circle, eyes narrowing. The leaves rustle in the cool breeze, their colors fading from green to yellow, orange, and red. It will be Autumn soon, then Winter. The snow will cover everything in a white, muted blanket and it will be beautiful. It’s a scenic area. 

Levi glances to Eren before waving a hand and heading back to chop more wood. Eren gives a loud, “_WHOOP,_” that has Levi looking back as Eren gallops around on his new horse, a pale yellow thing that seems to love him almost as much as Levi does. Levi can’t help his lips curling up again, even though the breeze sends a small, cold, wary chill up his spine as he shifts his gaze back ahead to the darkening forest.

\--

Levi pulls the tea leaves out of the water, subtly sniffing at the rising steam just as he hears Eren’s steps enter the kitchen behind him. Levi pauses and looks back, raising a brow as he takes Eren in. “Why are you panting like you were the horse and she was the rider?”

Eren huffs a breathy laugh between pants, grin bright and eyes shining beyond the green, fractured shapes in them. He moves over to the kitchen table and Levi turns back to the tea, pouring it out into the two cups he already has set out on the counter. “I forgot how much fun it could be,” Eren says, that bright smile so audible in his voice, Levi doesn’t need to look at him to see it. It’s imprinted behind his eyes, there every time he blinks. Levi thinks it will remain there, long after.

Levi sets the teapot down and carries the two cups over to the table, setting one in front of Eren. Eren grins at it and then beams at him with those bright eyes of his, and Levi’s heart does that stupid little flip he can never quite control. He takes his own seat adjacent to Eren. 

_You’re too bright_, Levi thinks, watching Eren try to sip at his tea a little too early. Levi’s lips twitch faintly, but that wariness is back in his gut, a writhing, weighted thing. Someone will find them here eventually, he can feel that fact in his bones. Eren draws too much attention even when he’s actively trying not to. He stands out, something about him drawing the eye. Levi could never quite figure out what it was, only knew that it drew his eye, too. Eren was not meant to be hidden away from the world, but hide they must.

Levi takes a slow sip of his tea, drawing his gaze back up to Eren when he starts speaking again, eyes narrowing a little at the tiny wisp of steam that slips out between Eren’s lips at every word. He drank too fast again. Always in a hurry.

Eren winces a little as he sets his cup down with a soft _thunk _against the table, but his smile doesn’t diminish as his own gaze shifts back to Levi’s. “Paola’s in the barn. I gave her fresh hay.” Levi nods, taking another sip of his own and watching Eren look around the house. He can feel the question coming before Eren asks, “How long are we staying here?” Fractured gaze back on him again.

Levi sighs quietly after he swallows and sets his cup down. “Until the end of the month.” He doesn’t trust Kiyomi enough to stay any longer. They’ll keep Mikasa informed of their movements, she can be trusted not to tell Kiyomi or anyone anything, but they cannot stay here.

Eren nods once and looks back down into his tea, hands cradling the warmth with a small, resigned smile. It makes Levi’s heart give a pull, just a little, for keeping him on the move, the feeling subdued by the need to keep him safe. “Would it be too much to bring her?” Eren asks. It takes a moment for Levi to understand who Eren means, then it clicks.

“She’d be more useful to have than not,” Levi concedes. Eren’s small, sad smile stretches back into a bright grin and though Levi meant it about Paola being useful to have with them, it doesn’t hurt that it means he gets to see Eren shine again.

_Blinding_. 

The thought is a brief blip like a light going off in the dark, or a spark from a piece of flint. 

Levi takes another sip of his tea and doesn’t let himself linger on the thought of that spark going out, instead choosing to focus on how brightly it’s burning now, right here in front of him.

\--

Three weeks are spent in a strange sort of domesticity with an air of wary, tense suspicion layered underneath. Eren takes Paola out for a ride near every day while Levi keeps up appearances and an eye on the property perimeter. There’s wood enough to survive the winter and then some by the time they pack their bags and leave, food stored in two bags and clothes in one, the top of Paola’s brush sticking out of a side pocket. 

Eren leads her way from the house and into the woods by her reins, a step behind Levi. Levi glances back at him once and finds Eren smiling over at her snout. That pull tugs in his chest again, but it’s fainter this time. He turns his gaze forward and keeps walking, shifting the bag strap further up his shoulder.

\--

They settle into a house they find on a cliff by the sea. The front is surrounded by the edge of the forest and the back meets the ocean sunrise. It’s beautiful, blinding even, and they get to work unpacking and preparing for winter. The house is empty, not-quite abandoned, and dusty. Eren ties Paola’s reins to the shed outside and they clean, Eren making a small game of who can finish first. Levi wins, but he’s impressed Eren almost outdoes him, and Eren doesn’t seem to mind that he lost.

—

The snow finally arrives, almost on time. A little later than it does on the island, but Levi and Eren are prepared nonetheless. Levi steps out into it with a muted crunch across the fresh powder, black cloak swaying stark down near his ankles as the black of them sink into the pure white. 

Snow mutes the world in a way nothing else does, not wind nor rain nor the explosions of a long fought war. It’s peaceful, quiet. Levi never lets his guard slip, not completely, but as he draws his gaze around their little cliff by the sea, listening to the waves beat far down below with a distinct lack of bird calls, he almost feels…

His eyes draw up to Eren a few steps ahead. Eren leads Paola around the yard with one of their last, shining red apples, her heavier steps just as muffled as their own. For all the bright red apple looks like a self contained explosion of its own, Eren’s gentle smile dims it, and Levi’s gaze lingers, fingers slowly unfurling further beneath his cloak.

He can feel peace trying to soak into him like the snow melting into his hair as it falls from the sky, warm and open and inviting like an embrace. If this is what peace is, true peace found in the space between breaths-

Levi’s eyes soften, the plume from his own breath obscuring Eren and Paola as it rises to the cloud covered sky.

_I want to stay here_.

Levi swallows against the childish thought, focusing as Eren turns to him. Paola crunches into the bright red held in Eren’s palm and Eren’s gentle smile softens towards him like Levi’s insides. 

Levi takes a step forward, one after the other to meet Eren in the sea of white, those insides getting warmer with every step that brings him closer.

He’s doomed, he knows he is, has been since he decided to steal Eren away. There’s always been a small resistance in him, an urge to fight that doom and go back even though Levi knows with all logical thought that it’s futile. That urge has grown smaller every day, and finally the minuscule flicker of it goes out when Eren reaches over, pale fingers weaving beneath Levi’s cloak to take his hand. They’re both cold, but heat starts to bloom where their skin meets, and it feels so simple to acknowledge it then: 

That Levi didn’t choose wrong. That this is where he is meant to be.


End file.
